Merry Christmas to all of you!
Best wishes for an amazing holiday season with your loved ones!
I have been very blessed over the past weekend and the next week to celebrate with my wonderful friends and family! I couldn't ask for more.
Enjoy!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas
Best wishes for an amazing holiday season with your loved ones!
I have been very blessed over the past weekend and the next week to celebrate with my wonderful friends and family! I couldn't ask for more.
Enjoy!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Callings
In the past few months I connected with a stranger over Instagram.
Odd? Really, no, not in this day and age.
I joined Instagram to share my own random photos and while surfing images of Mazatlan (where I have fond memories) I came across a 20 something fellow who has been living there for close to a year serving with the Christian organization YWAM.
The two of us will 'like' each others photos and add the odd comment - which brings me to my point (and yes, I do have one) - he posted an image of a drawing of India and commented that he seeing this image brought on a strange desire to serve there. I commented that 'He works in mysterious ways'.. My instagram friend agreed and asked if *I* was being called anywhere...
It made me think.
While my life really isn't conducive to travelling the world, I enjoy it... but WHAT am I being 'called' to do?
2012 has been the year of knocking down/clearing out so much in my life. I have gained some new friendships and closed the door on some negative old ones.. While I have really struggled with some of the most heart wrenching moments in my life I have also grown as a person.
What am I being called to do? Right now, I feel deep inside of me that I am being called to live.
Just live.
I have spent too much time in the past worrying. Worrying about what other people think. Worrying about money. Worrying about time. Just worrying.
I'm tired of worry holding me back from living.
Like the rest of the world, I watched in horror and disbelief at the chaos that unfolded in Sandy Hook this past Friday. I cried with the world at the loss of 26 people - the majority being children who will never have the chance to live.
What if I were to be on my last day? Would I be content with what I have done in my life? No.. No I wouldn't...
I am being called to LIVE in 2013.
How? Little things. I want to go back to Mazatlan. I may do this ALONE. I want to visit the sites my Instagram friend posts about. Now, I am not silly - I know solo travel to Mexico being a single female is not smart - I do have my good friend D living out there still.. I wouldn't BE alone, but I would be traveling there ALONE. Going away by myself would actually be HUGE for myself... but more to come on that..
Point being, I am going stop worrying and start living - as that is what I am called to do!
Odd? Really, no, not in this day and age.
I joined Instagram to share my own random photos and while surfing images of Mazatlan (where I have fond memories) I came across a 20 something fellow who has been living there for close to a year serving with the Christian organization YWAM.
The two of us will 'like' each others photos and add the odd comment - which brings me to my point (and yes, I do have one) - he posted an image of a drawing of India and commented that he seeing this image brought on a strange desire to serve there. I commented that 'He works in mysterious ways'.. My instagram friend agreed and asked if *I* was being called anywhere...
It made me think.
While my life really isn't conducive to travelling the world, I enjoy it... but WHAT am I being 'called' to do?
2012 has been the year of knocking down/clearing out so much in my life. I have gained some new friendships and closed the door on some negative old ones.. While I have really struggled with some of the most heart wrenching moments in my life I have also grown as a person.
What am I being called to do? Right now, I feel deep inside of me that I am being called to live.
Just live.
I have spent too much time in the past worrying. Worrying about what other people think. Worrying about money. Worrying about time. Just worrying.
I'm tired of worry holding me back from living.
Like the rest of the world, I watched in horror and disbelief at the chaos that unfolded in Sandy Hook this past Friday. I cried with the world at the loss of 26 people - the majority being children who will never have the chance to live.
What if I were to be on my last day? Would I be content with what I have done in my life? No.. No I wouldn't...
I am being called to LIVE in 2013.
How? Little things. I want to go back to Mazatlan. I may do this ALONE. I want to visit the sites my Instagram friend posts about. Now, I am not silly - I know solo travel to Mexico being a single female is not smart - I do have my good friend D living out there still.. I wouldn't BE alone, but I would be traveling there ALONE. Going away by myself would actually be HUGE for myself... but more to come on that..
Point being, I am going stop worrying and start living - as that is what I am called to do!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Kicking the habit
Today is officially my ONE YEAR anniversary for having quit smoking!!
It's funny - I didn't WANT to quit smoking, I just knew I needed to for my health and for my wallet.. I enjoyed smoking and struggled to see myself being able to quit... but I did it1
Do I still think of smoking? Yes.
Do I still MISS smoking? Occasionally.
I notice now that I am aware of the smell of cigarette smoke on others and it disgusts me... but to be honest, I still strangely crave it on occasion...
Do I feel any different? Yes.
The first few months I didn't notice feeling any different.. but now, I notice my lungs feel better.. When I exercise, I don't get that 'burning' feeling any longer... And believe it, it was not lost on me that I would leave the gym after a really intense workout and light a cigarette...
The few colds I have gotten haven't resulted in chest colds as they would have years past...
My skin looks better.. My teeth are whiter.. the circles under my eyes less... I just FEEL better.
I know that staying quit will continue to be a challenge but I have made it through the first year!
Monday, November 19, 2012
The one where my computer and I bond
So, I consider myself to be somewhat computer savvy.. I get my computer and it 'gets' me, so naturally we both 'decided' to get nasty viruses last week to complete our bond.. heh
But yes, for the 3rd MONTH in a row I have caught a head cold. C'mon immune system - what's your problem?! ((I actually blame my stress induced insomnia and stress for the increase in colds)) On the upside, when I was a smoker, those head colds turned into horrible chest colds 100% of the time. This last one has me with slight rattle in my lungs, but it passed in a few days. Score one more for kicking the cig habit!
As for my computer... I'm on the computer ALOT, so I could have picked this gem up anywhere. Somehow the antivirus program I have was not able to detect it and blamo! I woke up Friday morning, turned on the computer and suddenly my web browser slowed to a snails pace, started shutting itself down and a pop up appeared
As mentioned, I am somewhat computer savvy and realized that a) this is not a program installed on my computer b) A program installed on my computer would not be asking for my credit card info.
I immediately shut down my computer and turned to my IPhone for assistance - googled the problem, found a solution, rebooted under Safe Mode with Networking and used a well known online malware site to 'cure' my computer.. All while going through my own box of Kleenex as my body upped mucus production for this event by 80%.
Gotta love these bugs!
But yes, for the 3rd MONTH in a row I have caught a head cold. C'mon immune system - what's your problem?! ((I actually blame my stress induced insomnia and stress for the increase in colds)) On the upside, when I was a smoker, those head colds turned into horrible chest colds 100% of the time. This last one has me with slight rattle in my lungs, but it passed in a few days. Score one more for kicking the cig habit!
As for my computer... I'm on the computer ALOT, so I could have picked this gem up anywhere. Somehow the antivirus program I have was not able to detect it and blamo! I woke up Friday morning, turned on the computer and suddenly my web browser slowed to a snails pace, started shutting itself down and a pop up appeared
As mentioned, I am somewhat computer savvy and realized that a) this is not a program installed on my computer b) A program installed on my computer would not be asking for my credit card info.
I immediately shut down my computer and turned to my IPhone for assistance - googled the problem, found a solution, rebooted under Safe Mode with Networking and used a well known online malware site to 'cure' my computer.. All while going through my own box of Kleenex as my body upped mucus production for this event by 80%.
Gotta love these bugs!
Monday, November 5, 2012
This past month has found me in that situation - people in my life causing major turmoil in my life. The cause? Their own unhappiness, really.
This upcoming week is possibly going to bring forth MAJOR change in my life (that I am not too thrilled about), so I need to remember to keep MY thoughts and actions positive.
Send some positive thoughts my way, folks! A storm is a brewin'!!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Absence..
Sorry for my absence, folks!
I'd like to say that I was off doing some amazing wonderful things, but unfortunately, some misfortune has found its way into my life...
I've been taking some time to try to right things and get myself feeling like MYSELF again!
Maybe one day soon I will be able to post some great news for y'all to read... until then, I just have to swing with the punches..
Have a good weekend!
I'd like to say that I was off doing some amazing wonderful things, but unfortunately, some misfortune has found its way into my life...
I've been taking some time to try to right things and get myself feeling like MYSELF again!
Maybe one day soon I will be able to post some great news for y'all to read... until then, I just have to swing with the punches..
Have a good weekend!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Oct 6.
Guess whose birthday it is today?
Today, I turn 33.
That is bittersweet... 32 was a horrible year for me, and I am looking forward to a fresh start. 32 started off horribly and it ended horribly... but that is not birthday talk.
Even though I am not terribly HAPPY about growing older - I am happy to be celebrating the day at a very ritzy spa with my sister and a very close girlfriend. After that, I am going to have dinner at a vegan burger joint.
Nothing fancy, but it sounds like a pretty darn good birthday day to me :-)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
It's ALMOST that time...
Don't hate me for reminding you of this - in exactly 3 months, it will be Christmas.
Don't hate me for also telling you that I have, in fact, started my shopping.
Still here? :-)
While I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Christmas holiday season and rather enjoy trying to find the perfect gifts for my loved ones, I despise the holiday crowds that come with that territory.
I mean loathe the crowds. I can feel my blood pressure rising when I think of braving the cold weather to park a mile away from the mall where 5000 other people are also pushing through... and coming out empty handed. Uggggh.
For the past few years I have tried to combat the crowds by doing some of my shopping online - cute handmade earrings on Etsy, Hemp products at Manitoba Harvest, special gluten-free foods on Well.ca, candy from Japan on Ebay... and avoided the malls as much as possible. This was also great for finding some unique gifts.
But why on earth start 3 months BEFORE Christmas you ask?
Seeing as I was
That got me thinking - why not REALLY start my shopping? Avoid the rush? Avoid the crowds?
I really had no idea what I was looking to buy, so I decided to scour the Pinterest pages of a few family members to see what they had under their: "Products I NEED" type pages - and purchased a few home products online like these:
Smart thinking, right?! I know!! Pinterest, what aren't you good for? ♥ ((And for the record, my sis had some cute legwarmer/boot cuffs she was eyeing and I now know the perfect place to snag some thanks to Krysten's blog! :-) ))While I am no where near close to being finished - I am happy that I have begun a little of the shopping.. Have any of you given thought to the holiday season?
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The irony is lost on me
So, this is not a peppy happy post.. It is not to say that I am not happy - I've been away from blogging due to excessive work, but I am content... I have also been helping two friends of mine (who don't know each other) who are going through some major life crisis this past week..
Friend 1 found out she is pregnant.. and does not wish to be.
Her current life situation is not ideal for bringing a child into the world. (Young, unmarried, unemployment for her partner, etc) She has an appointment for 3 weeks from now to... not be pregnant, if that is what she decides. She is really struggling with this decision, understandably.
I am going to stop here and add that while abortion is something I do not agree with - I am also not going to, nor will I ever, judge someone who chooses to do so. I am not going to open the can of worms up on whether or not that decision is right or wrong - it's not something I wish to discuss.
Friend 2 found out that the chances of her ever becoming pregnant and basically non existent... and she wants to be pregnant more than anything in the world. To add insult to injury, her partner is also not supportive in this situation - making her feel like she is at fault for something she cannot control.
The irony of this is lost on me.. *sigh*
Friend 1 found out she is pregnant.. and does not wish to be.
Her current life situation is not ideal for bringing a child into the world. (Young, unmarried, unemployment for her partner, etc) She has an appointment for 3 weeks from now to... not be pregnant, if that is what she decides. She is really struggling with this decision, understandably.
I am going to stop here and add that while abortion is something I do not agree with - I am also not going to, nor will I ever, judge someone who chooses to do so. I am not going to open the can of worms up on whether or not that decision is right or wrong - it's not something I wish to discuss.
Friend 2 found out that the chances of her ever becoming pregnant and basically non existent... and she wants to be pregnant more than anything in the world. To add insult to injury, her partner is also not supportive in this situation - making her feel like she is at fault for something she cannot control.
The irony of this is lost on me.. *sigh*
Monday, September 3, 2012
Lost in Translation
So, the past few weeks have been filled to the brim. I basically work 6 days a week and my evenings have been packed with events as well..
But guess what? Eventually that much go go go and little sleep sleep sleep will result in getting sick sick sick. Imagine that? :-)
Regardless, I cancelled my Saturday night plans and stayed in for a little napping action & relaxation. Shortly before I was going to bed, I received a phone call from my friend David in Mazatlan (whose english is great - but not perfect).
Me: I am a little sick right now!
Him: You do sound a little constipated.
Me: .... <smile> Yes, a little.
I just didn't have the heart to tell him he probably (hopefully) meant congested. ;-)
But guess what? Eventually that much go go go and little sleep sleep sleep will result in getting sick sick sick. Imagine that? :-)
Regardless, I cancelled my Saturday night plans and stayed in for a little napping action & relaxation. Shortly before I was going to bed, I received a phone call from my friend David in Mazatlan (whose english is great - but not perfect).
Me: I am a little sick right now!
Him: You do sound a little constipated.
Me: .... <smile> Yes, a little.
I just didn't have the heart to tell him he probably (hopefully) meant congested. ;-)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
It's MY life.
Something has 'flipped' in me recently - I am not sure if it is a need for change of SOME kind.. a refusal to just 'take it' when crap is coming my way.. but I certainly am making it known that it is MY life and I am living it in a way that brings comfort, happiness, and respect to myself.
It's been a crappy week and it has been a great week. Some doors closed, while others opened.
I forsee some big changes in the upcoming weeks!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Intuition
I don't always trust my intuition.
I often struggle with make decisions/leading by my heart rather than my head. I know I should trust my head, but the heart gets in the way..
I have come to learn, though, that when my intuition is right, it is right.
My pastor once made a statement during a service along the lines of 'nothing good happens after midnight.'... and I have come to learn that that is nothing but the truth. I am much better off coming home & going to bed/reading a book/watching television/surfing the net, etc than staying out.. especially when alcohol is involved.
As the Tale of Friday night exampled - nothing good can occur. ((And as a side note, I have not had the courage/heart to cut RG out of my life - I am just keeping a distance.. even though he is calling often and HAPPENED to show up by my home the other day))
So, I can't recall if I blogged or not about the guy I had met last year through a friend who turned out to be not so single.. I was angry, but let it go. My heart wasn't fully in it due to the drama around my ex still being fresh... I wrote it off.
Anyhow, Mr Not-so-Single (NSS) is a member of a sports team that friend's play on during the summer months - so I am forced to see him weekly. Right away, his flirtation towards me was tremendous - but my intuition told me to be cautious. I had several people comment that they thought he was REALLY into me, but I just blew the suggestion off.
Last night, after the sports team year end windup social, NSS invited a handful of people back to his house to keep the party going. I decided to bow out and head home as I also felt nothing good would come of the night... To make a long story short, one of my best girlfriends texted me this morning - her and her boyfriend had went over for a drink - that NSS and another teammate (who I don't know that well, but get a very.... 'im easy' vibe from due to her hitting on a married teammate regularly) were off in his bedroom for a chuck of the night.
First off, Thank God I have people in my life that watch out for me like that... Secondly, I was not surprised. I finally trusted my head, and it obviously made the right decision!
Strangely, this month has been a little chaotic heart wise. Despite my wanting to let go, I cannot get the Ex out of my mind. I hadn't cried in months over him, but I am finding myself back to that.. I know that that situation is hopeless, but I cannot fully give up. Where is my head on that one?
I often struggle with make decisions/leading by my heart rather than my head. I know I should trust my head, but the heart gets in the way..
I have come to learn, though, that when my intuition is right, it is right.
My pastor once made a statement during a service along the lines of 'nothing good happens after midnight.'... and I have come to learn that that is nothing but the truth. I am much better off coming home & going to bed/reading a book/watching television/surfing the net, etc than staying out.. especially when alcohol is involved.
As the Tale of Friday night exampled - nothing good can occur. ((And as a side note, I have not had the courage/heart to cut RG out of my life - I am just keeping a distance.. even though he is calling often and HAPPENED to show up by my home the other day))
So, I can't recall if I blogged or not about the guy I had met last year through a friend who turned out to be not so single.. I was angry, but let it go. My heart wasn't fully in it due to the drama around my ex still being fresh... I wrote it off.
Anyhow, Mr Not-so-Single (NSS) is a member of a sports team that friend's play on during the summer months - so I am forced to see him weekly. Right away, his flirtation towards me was tremendous - but my intuition told me to be cautious. I had several people comment that they thought he was REALLY into me, but I just blew the suggestion off.
Last night, after the sports team year end windup social, NSS invited a handful of people back to his house to keep the party going. I decided to bow out and head home as I also felt nothing good would come of the night... To make a long story short, one of my best girlfriends texted me this morning - her and her boyfriend had went over for a drink - that NSS and another teammate (who I don't know that well, but get a very.... 'im easy' vibe from due to her hitting on a married teammate regularly) were off in his bedroom for a chuck of the night.
First off, Thank God I have people in my life that watch out for me like that... Secondly, I was not surprised. I finally trusted my head, and it obviously made the right decision!
Strangely, this month has been a little chaotic heart wise. Despite my wanting to let go, I cannot get the Ex out of my mind. I hadn't cried in months over him, but I am finding myself back to that.. I know that that situation is hopeless, but I cannot fully give up. Where is my head on that one?
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The tale of Friday night.
I've been trying to decide how to approach this.. if at all...
Breaking up with a friend.
I've always had a soft spot for the underdog. My nature is such that if someone is 'flawed'/troubled/'injured' (whatever you want to call it) I want to protect them. I tend to see the 'good' in everyone, no matter what the 'bad' is... I firmly believe EVERYONE deserves a chance, no matter what their history is.
This, my readers, is where I have gotten myself into trouble.
I've dated some fellas that were trouble and maintained friendships that were just bad news.. which brings me to my current situation with a fella I will just call RG.
I will keep this short as possible.. RG and I met through an old boyfriend about 14 yrs ago. I hung out with RG often, even after the boyfriend and I realized we were better suited as friends..
RG has had a very hard life - his saint of a mother passed away when he was in his late teens from cancer leaving him to live with his alcoholic father who he despised (he often told me he wished it was his father who had passed away instead of his mom). His father passed away a few years later from the damage years of abusing alcohol did to him..
Fast forward a few years. I had lost contact with RG and the ex just due to life being life, but got back into contact with them. We began meeting up, the three of us, a few times a month to have drink. It was then I noticed that the ex and I would spend the evening chatting from everything religion, politics, art to music and general goofiness. RG never had anything to contribute and was generally just sullen and would get drunk.. RG was drinking too much, IMHO.
Again we lost contact and RG contacted me recently to see if I wanted to meet up...I agreed to get together for a coffee/drink Friday night.
Worst. Decision. Ever.
Long story short: RG recently broke up with his gf (who both have been arrested for physically abusing each other). RG is also a raging alcoholic now and this break up has increased this 10 fold, from what I could see and what his boss told me. He has no money, no vehicle, and now no home as he was living at his girlfriends place.. I heard a story that last weekend he was thrown into the drunk tank after the police found him passed out in the ditch when he was attempting to drive his bike to the place he was crashing at.
I met up with him and a few of his co-workers (he works for a landscaping company) at Earls where they had apparently been for several hours (I got there at 7 pm). Several co-workers were cut off and kicked out for being too loud/rowdy. People were swearing loudly, breaking glasses, making rude comments, etc.. I was mortified to be sitting with this morons.. RG was no better and decided in his extreme drunkenness that he was going to proclaim his love for me ("My mom always wanted me to be with you!! I love you"), ask repeatedly if I wanted to date him, and try to kiss/hug me.
Ugggggh.
Needless to say, because I am a good person I drove their drunk moronic selves to the boss' house (who as a side note lives with his partner BUT decided to get my # from RG's phone and start texting me when I left.. UGGGGGH again) so they could continue their drunken night while I slipped out to go home.
The first thing I thought was "I am waaaaay too good to hang out with people like that."
RG has texted me several times since asking me to go out with him for dinner - I declined. Fact is, I don't even want to get together on a friendly level.
I am disgusted by him and everyone he associates me from what I saw Friday night.
Yes, what he needs right now is help... I don't want to be that help. I am not willing to be that help. I do not EVER want to be in a situation like Friday again.
How do I break up with a friend? Refuse to answer calls? Tell him I refuse to associate with him until he lays off the liquor? I really don't know..
Breaking up with a friend.
I've always had a soft spot for the underdog. My nature is such that if someone is 'flawed'/troubled/'injured' (whatever you want to call it) I want to protect them. I tend to see the 'good' in everyone, no matter what the 'bad' is... I firmly believe EVERYONE deserves a chance, no matter what their history is.
This, my readers, is where I have gotten myself into trouble.
I've dated some fellas that were trouble and maintained friendships that were just bad news.. which brings me to my current situation with a fella I will just call RG.
I will keep this short as possible.. RG and I met through an old boyfriend about 14 yrs ago. I hung out with RG often, even after the boyfriend and I realized we were better suited as friends..
RG has had a very hard life - his saint of a mother passed away when he was in his late teens from cancer leaving him to live with his alcoholic father who he despised (he often told me he wished it was his father who had passed away instead of his mom). His father passed away a few years later from the damage years of abusing alcohol did to him..
Fast forward a few years. I had lost contact with RG and the ex just due to life being life, but got back into contact with them. We began meeting up, the three of us, a few times a month to have drink. It was then I noticed that the ex and I would spend the evening chatting from everything religion, politics, art to music and general goofiness. RG never had anything to contribute and was generally just sullen and would get drunk.. RG was drinking too much, IMHO.
Again we lost contact and RG contacted me recently to see if I wanted to meet up...I agreed to get together for a coffee/drink Friday night.
Worst. Decision. Ever.
Long story short: RG recently broke up with his gf (who both have been arrested for physically abusing each other). RG is also a raging alcoholic now and this break up has increased this 10 fold, from what I could see and what his boss told me. He has no money, no vehicle, and now no home as he was living at his girlfriends place.. I heard a story that last weekend he was thrown into the drunk tank after the police found him passed out in the ditch when he was attempting to drive his bike to the place he was crashing at.
I met up with him and a few of his co-workers (he works for a landscaping company) at Earls where they had apparently been for several hours (I got there at 7 pm). Several co-workers were cut off and kicked out for being too loud/rowdy. People were swearing loudly, breaking glasses, making rude comments, etc.. I was mortified to be sitting with this morons.. RG was no better and decided in his extreme drunkenness that he was going to proclaim his love for me ("My mom always wanted me to be with you!! I love you"), ask repeatedly if I wanted to date him, and try to kiss/hug me.
Ugggggh.
Needless to say, because I am a good person I drove their drunk moronic selves to the boss' house (who as a side note lives with his partner BUT decided to get my # from RG's phone and start texting me when I left.. UGGGGGH again) so they could continue their drunken night while I slipped out to go home.
The first thing I thought was "I am waaaaay too good to hang out with people like that."
RG has texted me several times since asking me to go out with him for dinner - I declined. Fact is, I don't even want to get together on a friendly level.
I am disgusted by him and everyone he associates me from what I saw Friday night.
Yes, what he needs right now is help... I don't want to be that help. I am not willing to be that help. I do not EVER want to be in a situation like Friday again.
How do I break up with a friend? Refuse to answer calls? Tell him I refuse to associate with him until he lays off the liquor? I really don't know..
(The drunks bar bill - because even though I was mortified, I still had the good frame of mind to capture that)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Spiderman?
So, last night (for the first time in my life) I was stung by a wasp. Holy %^#& does that hurt!! I made some jokes about hoping to wake up with superpowers - Spiderman like.
This morning I woke up, went to turn on the bathroom faucet and broke it in half.. First thing that came to mind was: Sting + sleep = Super Human Strength!!!
More likely I just need new taps - that won't be a possibility as my caretakers are gone on vacation. Uggggh. Who NEEDS cold water?
This morning I woke up, went to turn on the bathroom faucet and broke it in half.. First thing that came to mind was: Sting + sleep = Super Human Strength!!!
More likely I just need new taps - that won't be a possibility as my caretakers are gone on vacation. Uggggh. Who NEEDS cold water?
Fail.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Wide Open Spaces
I have been neglecting the blog.. I know!
Why?
Why?
The wide open space of the highway has called to me during my holidays! I shall return soon and get back to blogging!
On one side note: Dear person in Russia who frequently lurks at my blog... ???? Hi :-)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Pinterest days: Quinoa bites
Like many gals out there, I LOVE me some Pinterest..
I can easilywaste hours pinning clothing I like, cute hair ideas, random prints/paintings and of course, food..
I pin food like no tomorrow. Baking? Sure! Preserves? Why not?! Casseroles? Bring it on! Random vegetarian grub? Sign me up!!
Do I ACTUALLY make this food I pin? Well.... yeah.... E for Effort? I came to realize that I have about 80 recipes pinned and have tried 3.
Yes, 3.
SO, I took it upon myself to actually make something I found on Pinterest:
The Pin: Quinoa Bites
Quinoa Bites - Makes approx 2 dozen
2 cups cooked quinoa
2 large eggs
3 carrots, shredded
1 1/2 cups spinach, chopped (aka ripped into small pieces)
2 tsp minced garlic
1 cup shredded cheese (or amount to taste)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper (I like my food with a kick - this was just MY preference to add)
2 tbsp flour
Mix all ingredients well in a large bowl.
Bake at 350F for 15-20 min!
Verdict? They are quite tasty! I could see dipping them in a sauce of some sort would be excellent.. I did a calculation on My Fitness Pal and each bite is about 50 cal. Very light snack!
I can easily
I pin food like no tomorrow. Baking? Sure! Preserves? Why not?! Casseroles? Bring it on! Random vegetarian grub? Sign me up!!
Do I ACTUALLY make this food I pin? Well.... yeah.... E for Effort? I came to realize that I have about 80 recipes pinned and have tried 3.
Yes, 3.
SO, I took it upon myself to actually make something I found on Pinterest:
The Pin: Quinoa Bites
Quinoa Bites - Makes approx 2 dozen
2 cups cooked quinoa
2 large eggs
3 carrots, shredded
1 1/2 cups spinach, chopped (aka ripped into small pieces)
2 tsp minced garlic
1 cup shredded cheese (or amount to taste)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper (I like my food with a kick - this was just MY preference to add)
2 tbsp flour
Mix all ingredients well in a large bowl.
Shredded carrots (via cheese grater) and chopped spinach (via my hands)
Cooked quinoa
Everything waiting to be mixed
Mixed goodness
The pin I found suggested baking the bites in muffin tins - I did both that and the second half on parchment paper on a baking sheet. The latter of the two was my preference as I found the bites stuck in the muffin tin and fell apart when removing... I may not have greased the tins enough though.
Bake at 350F for 15-20 min!
Verdict? They are quite tasty! I could see dipping them in a sauce of some sort would be excellent.. I did a calculation on My Fitness Pal and each bite is about 50 cal. Very light snack!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Beach waves!
Sorry the blog has been so quiet..
I've gotten used to the fact that the Ex will not be near by.. and accepted that fact as being a GOOD thing, not something that should be panic inducing.
I did return from a wonderful girls trip to Minneapolis to turn my phone off airplane mode to have a random text come in from him. I don't understand that man, and never will!
BUT, the whole point of this text was to rave about a new product: ((AND I will add that this review is my personal opinion only))
Marc Anthony’s ‘Dream Waves Beach Spray'
I have naturally wavy hair. Sounds great, right?
Riiiight.
That WOULD be correct if it didn't dry with waves in certain areas, but not others... and just generally look a tad wild in the mentally unstable sort of way, not cute beach way. Very much a mind of its own and in need of daily styling.
I have always wished for hair I could wash and allow to air dry without having to worry about blow drying, flat ironing, etc.
Enter various products that promise to turn my hair into wonderful beachy waves... Also enter epic fails of products not living up to that hype in any way. Limp. Greasy. Stringy.
Welcome Marc Anthony. AKA My new love.
The product promises to create texture, amplify waves, add body/volume and transform hair into soft, flowing, loose waves.
I've heard that before.. BUT, I read a wonderful review from a fellow Canadian blogger and decided to give 'er a whirl.
Verdict? Love it! The product lived up to it's promises. Soft waves. Frizz controlled. Not greasy. Not sticky. It also smells AMAZING.
I received SO many compliments on my hair today and had a ton of gals asking what I used to create this look. How can I deny those results?
I've gotten used to the fact that the Ex will not be near by.. and accepted that fact as being a GOOD thing, not something that should be panic inducing.
I did return from a wonderful girls trip to Minneapolis to turn my phone off airplane mode to have a random text come in from him. I don't understand that man, and never will!
BUT, the whole point of this text was to rave about a new product: ((AND I will add that this review is my personal opinion only))
Marc Anthony’s ‘Dream Waves Beach Spray'
I have naturally wavy hair. Sounds great, right?
Riiiight.
That WOULD be correct if it didn't dry with waves in certain areas, but not others... and just generally look a tad wild in the mentally unstable sort of way, not cute beach way. Very much a mind of its own and in need of daily styling.
I have always wished for hair I could wash and allow to air dry without having to worry about blow drying, flat ironing, etc.
Enter various products that promise to turn my hair into wonderful beachy waves... Also enter epic fails of products not living up to that hype in any way. Limp. Greasy. Stringy.
Welcome Marc Anthony. AKA My new love.
The product promises to create texture, amplify waves, add body/volume and transform hair into soft, flowing, loose waves.
I've heard that before.. BUT, I read a wonderful review from a fellow Canadian blogger and decided to give 'er a whirl.
Verdict? Love it! The product lived up to it's promises. Soft waves. Frizz controlled. Not greasy. Not sticky. It also smells AMAZING.
I received SO many compliments on my hair today and had a ton of gals asking what I used to create this look. How can I deny those results?
Monday, June 4, 2012
Ties.
Oh God.
My hunch was right. The Ex is moving out. I came home from work yesterday and saw him loading some belongings up...
Apparently I care WAY more than I thought I did as it induced a huge panic response in me.. I honestly was not expecting as violent of a reaction as it caused. Grief stricken sobbing. Horrid nervous energy that I didn't know what to do with.. Pure panic.
I texted a friend and my sis for some support, and was offered up this: This was the last tie I had to be severed. Which is true - while he was here, there was always a faint possibility of the man who I thought I would marry to love me back the way I loved him.
This may sound crazy knowing the crap I have written about the crummy things he did... but my heart wasn't ready to give up on the one I loved. This move has caused emotions to erupt that I thought were gone or deeply buried.
I read a post this morning from a blogger I follow about not being able to Accept. It really struck a cord with me as I have been very angry with Him. I have believed so strongly in my heart for things to be a certain way, tried to move past them and still was stuck feeling strongly. I couldn't help buy believe I felt how I did for a reason.
I prayed on that feeling. I actually started crying this past Sunday in church (and I haven't been attending church regularly for a while due to my feelings of anger) when the pastor spoke about praying for miracles/healing. I thought: "I DID".
I struggle to believe that this much pain is what His plan is for me.
I've cried my tears for 3 years. I've put my heart and soul into something and ultimately failed. I have not learned from it. It has not made me stronger.
In fact, it has turned me into someone I don't want to be.
I have never been a really negative person. I was the person patients at work enjoyed working with because I was "always smiling". I feel some days that this experience has sucked that joy from my life.. I feel like a failure at life.. What I prayed for, what I want and where I am are no where near each other. It hurts badly.
I try to stand strong knowing I am a good person. I try to believe that I just need to give it time.. I try to believe He is working ... but still.. I am shaken. I am faltering.
I am struggling to believe.
My hunch was right. The Ex is moving out. I came home from work yesterday and saw him loading some belongings up...
Apparently I care WAY more than I thought I did as it induced a huge panic response in me.. I honestly was not expecting as violent of a reaction as it caused. Grief stricken sobbing. Horrid nervous energy that I didn't know what to do with.. Pure panic.
I texted a friend and my sis for some support, and was offered up this: This was the last tie I had to be severed. Which is true - while he was here, there was always a faint possibility of the man who I thought I would marry to love me back the way I loved him.
This may sound crazy knowing the crap I have written about the crummy things he did... but my heart wasn't ready to give up on the one I loved. This move has caused emotions to erupt that I thought were gone or deeply buried.
I read a post this morning from a blogger I follow about not being able to Accept. It really struck a cord with me as I have been very angry with Him. I have believed so strongly in my heart for things to be a certain way, tried to move past them and still was stuck feeling strongly. I couldn't help buy believe I felt how I did for a reason.
I prayed on that feeling. I actually started crying this past Sunday in church (and I haven't been attending church regularly for a while due to my feelings of anger) when the pastor spoke about praying for miracles/healing. I thought: "I DID".
I struggle to believe that this much pain is what His plan is for me.
I've cried my tears for 3 years. I've put my heart and soul into something and ultimately failed. I have not learned from it. It has not made me stronger.
In fact, it has turned me into someone I don't want to be.
I have never been a really negative person. I was the person patients at work enjoyed working with because I was "always smiling". I feel some days that this experience has sucked that joy from my life.. I feel like a failure at life.. What I prayed for, what I want and where I am are no where near each other. It hurts badly.
I try to stand strong knowing I am a good person. I try to believe that I just need to give it time.. I try to believe He is working ... but still.. I am shaken. I am faltering.
I am struggling to believe.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Lip dub?
This may very well be one of the sweetest proposals I have ever seen. :-)
And yes, I did cry my eyes out starting approx. 12 seconds in.
Enjoy! ♥
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I don't have the heart for this!
I think the worst part about dating is having to let someone down when you are not interested.
HOW do you do it when the other party involved is interested when you are not?
Mr Ballet apparently had a swell time and thinks I am amazing. As from my previous post, I didn't feel a romantic connection.
After thinking perhaps he was not interested as we hadn't spoken since our date, he called me up before I left for the long weekend. Nothing was mentioned about another date, but he DID mention he no longer attends church but took up salsa dancing instead. Huuhhh? That is a moot point, but strange none the less..
That brings me to today:
Text message from Mr Ballet:
"Let's go out again if you want to. There's a live music thing at <store> on Thursday night or we could do something on the weekend."
So what is a girl to do?
I have been on the receiving end of a enjoying a date and being ignored by my date who apparently wasn't into me. At least have theballs decency to SAY you are not feeling a connection right?
Welll..... I MAY have ya know.. did the same thing in the past due to being too chicken to actually come out and say I was not interested.
I do not have the heart to let someone down. It breaks MY heart to reject someone as I know how crappy it is... but it's necessary.
So half an hour later I kicked my guilty conscious into the closet and replied:
"I have to be honest, I did have a good time when we went out and think you're a cool guy, but just did not feel a romantic connection. I'm really sorry about that, but don't want you wasting your time."
I waited for perhaps silence or a "Yeah, okay" sort of reply.. this is what I got:
"Thanks for being honest and straightforward. I respect that. You're a good woman :)"
So why do I feel like a real jerk? :(
HOW do you do it when the other party involved is interested when you are not?
Mr Ballet apparently had a swell time and thinks I am amazing. As from my previous post, I didn't feel a romantic connection.
After thinking perhaps he was not interested as we hadn't spoken since our date, he called me up before I left for the long weekend. Nothing was mentioned about another date, but he DID mention he no longer attends church but took up salsa dancing instead. Huuhhh? That is a moot point, but strange none the less..
That brings me to today:
Text message from Mr Ballet:
"Let's go out again if you want to. There's a live music thing at <store> on Thursday night or we could do something on the weekend."
So what is a girl to do?
I have been on the receiving end of a enjoying a date and being ignored by my date who apparently wasn't into me. At least have the
Welll..... I MAY have ya know.. did the same thing in the past due to being too chicken to actually come out and say I was not interested.
I do not have the heart to let someone down. It breaks MY heart to reject someone as I know how crappy it is... but it's necessary.
So half an hour later I kicked my guilty conscious into the closet and replied:
"I have to be honest, I did have a good time when we went out and think you're a cool guy, but just did not feel a romantic connection. I'm really sorry about that, but don't want you wasting your time."
I waited for perhaps silence or a "Yeah, okay" sort of reply.. this is what I got:
"Thanks for being honest and straightforward. I respect that. You're a good woman :)"
So why do I feel like a real jerk? :(
Thursday, May 17, 2012
You gotta kiss a lot of frogs..
The date? Well, I learned a two things:
1) I LOVE the ballet!
The performance was AMAZING with the highlight for me being Alison Crowe playing piano and singing Hallejuha while the dancers performed)
2) My sister and I have different tastes in men.
I didn't feel a romantic spark towards this fellow.. and honestly, he said a few things that struck me as being condescending or mocking towards me.. IE I mentioned how I had read 59 books in a year and he brought that up a few times in a mocking fashion that insinuated I didn't have a life... and said: "You probably own a cat too".
I am not too sure what THAT means, but I took it as an off hand dig.
My sis mentioned he has a sarcastic type sense of humor and can use that sort of behaviour as a nervous coping mechanism, but c'mon... If you don't even KNOW someone, probably not the best approach...
Needless to say, I am not foreseeing a second date in our futures!
I guess I am left to venture into online.. uggggh.
I was really hoping for something there... Perhaps I set my expectations too high...
And today? I was going to go sit outside, saw The Ex's brother's car out front, figured I would wait a few minutes to see if he left before I went outside... and out the door from the hallway walks The Ex. I can't describe the look he gave me... but yeah.. Made tears come to my eyes.
Not sure WHY he was even up there (my only thought - giving moving notice?), but that's a moot point... I just can't believe someone out there hates me THAT much... It's heartbreaking...
1) I LOVE the ballet!
The performance was AMAZING with the highlight for me being Alison Crowe playing piano and singing Hallejuha while the dancers performed)
2) My sister and I have different tastes in men.
I didn't feel a romantic spark towards this fellow.. and honestly, he said a few things that struck me as being condescending or mocking towards me.. IE I mentioned how I had read 59 books in a year and he brought that up a few times in a mocking fashion that insinuated I didn't have a life... and said: "You probably own a cat too".
I am not too sure what THAT means, but I took it as an off hand dig.
My sis mentioned he has a sarcastic type sense of humor and can use that sort of behaviour as a nervous coping mechanism, but c'mon... If you don't even KNOW someone, probably not the best approach...
Needless to say, I am not foreseeing a second date in our futures!
I guess I am left to venture into online.. uggggh.
I was really hoping for something there... Perhaps I set my expectations too high...
And today? I was going to go sit outside, saw The Ex's brother's car out front, figured I would wait a few minutes to see if he left before I went outside... and out the door from the hallway walks The Ex. I can't describe the look he gave me... but yeah.. Made tears come to my eyes.
Not sure WHY he was even up there (my only thought - giving moving notice?), but that's a moot point... I just can't believe someone out there hates me THAT much... It's heartbreaking...
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Remember to breathe..
Oh my.
Ask and ye shall receive!
An hour after my dating post, and after a little prebed prayer on the subject, I received a text from my sister: A friend of hers has extra tickets to the the ballet this evening and was wanting to take me.
!!!
This fellow had expressed interest in my prior, but I declined as I was wrapped up in my ex drama and still on an 'on' phase of our 3 yr off and on craziness... This time, I didn't answer my sister that night, slept on the decision and in the morning texted back saying I would go.
I am not even terribly interested IN the ballet, but hey.. I need to get out there.
Long story short, that brings us to today.. We are meeting up in an hour for a quick bite/drink then walking over to the concert hall for the show.
I am petrified.
I requested to drive myself, as I just prefer that on first dates in case things go poorly.. so I have google mapped the restaurant to ensure I get there on time.
I have asked what to wear to the ballet, as I don't attend and have no idea what to wear to such events... I have picture texted my sister with dress options for the night...
I am terrified.
I may have also made a comment in text setting up the date about blind dates (as this will be just that) being scary (and they are).. and that he is taking a risk of waking up tomorrow missing a kidney.
I made a joke about stealing an organ to a guy I have never met.
Aiiiii. What. The. F**K.
He did 'laugh' and joked on about me, but still... WHAAAAT goes through my mind.
I hate this part of a relationship - the search. I am honestly a relationship gal. I enjoy the staying in watching movies in pjs with your special someone, ordering in take out... the comfort.. This uncertainty is not me... Aiiiii.
I just have to tell myself; remember to breathe.
Ask and ye shall receive!
An hour after my dating post, and after a little prebed prayer on the subject, I received a text from my sister: A friend of hers has extra tickets to the the ballet this evening and was wanting to take me.
!!!
This fellow had expressed interest in my prior, but I declined as I was wrapped up in my ex drama and still on an 'on' phase of our 3 yr off and on craziness... This time, I didn't answer my sister that night, slept on the decision and in the morning texted back saying I would go.
I am not even terribly interested IN the ballet, but hey.. I need to get out there.
Long story short, that brings us to today.. We are meeting up in an hour for a quick bite/drink then walking over to the concert hall for the show.
I am petrified.
I requested to drive myself, as I just prefer that on first dates in case things go poorly.. so I have google mapped the restaurant to ensure I get there on time.
I have asked what to wear to the ballet, as I don't attend and have no idea what to wear to such events... I have picture texted my sister with dress options for the night...
I am terrified.
I may have also made a comment in text setting up the date about blind dates (as this will be just that) being scary (and they are).. and that he is taking a risk of waking up tomorrow missing a kidney.
I made a joke about stealing an organ to a guy I have never met.
Aiiiii. What. The. F**K.
He did 'laugh' and joked on about me, but still... WHAAAAT goes through my mind.
I hate this part of a relationship - the search. I am honestly a relationship gal. I enjoy the staying in watching movies in pjs with your special someone, ordering in take out... the comfort.. This uncertainty is not me... Aiiiii.
I just have to tell myself; remember to breathe.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Can your Iphone help you lose weight?
Can your IPhone help you lose weight? Yes. Yes it can.
So, I know I was talking a few months back about the fact that due to stress I had lost weight. I was actually to the point I was having trouble keeping weight on.
Poor me, right? Ha!
I generally eat very healthy. I also exercise daily. The combination basically lead me to not having to be concerned of my weight... and staying around the same weight for the past 4 years or so, minus the periods of stress where my weight would fall slightly for a short period..
Well, in the past month or so I found the weight creeping on. When I stopped talking the Zyban I felt my appetite creep back up (and the cravings for cigs to increase slightly) causing me to indulge... a lot. My relationship stress also had the effect of me emotional eating.. namely at the bags of Easter candy I bought on sale (because one person really needs 7 jumbo bags of Mini Eggs at $1 a piece)
On my recent trip to Mexico, I ate like there was no tomorrow. Bowls of guacamole and nachos every day? Why the heck not?! Jugs of banana margaritas? Heck yes! Cheese quasadillas? Yes please! Beers? Oh yes!
Well.... Nearing the end of our trip and coming home I felt my clothes were fitting a weeeeee bit tighter than prior.
Try 6 lbs tighter! Ayyyy dios Mios!
I tried to blame water retention (uhm, yes) for some of it, but my indulging caught up to me.
Time to diet.
I am not good at dieting. I am not used to dieting. I really don't know how to diet well... Like I said, in the past I relied on my healthy diet and exercise to keep me where I felt comfortable. How do I LOSE weight?
Well, I stumbled upon a wonderful app for my IPhone at the ITunes store: My Fitness Pal.
This app sets up a fitness profile for you according to your current weight, weight loss goal and how tells you many calories you should be consuming daily to achieve a 1, 1 1/2 or 2 lb wt loss a week.
During the day, you input your meals for the day via inputting a food into the data base(I have not come across a product/food yet that was not there), scanning the barcodes of products(VERY COOL), or inputting a recipe and allowing the program to calculate the calories for a portion. ((The more foods you log,
The program also calculates your exercise for the day and adjusts your calories accordingly.
Easy!
And yes, you COULD eat say, 1200 calories of butter a day and lose weight. The program DOES calculate nutrients from your input and tells you how you are doing with the recommended fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, sugar (my apparent downfall), carbs and vitamins for the day.. So yes, it does encourage you to make better choices. You are actually able to log on online and customize your nutritional goals as well. Me, I just need to watch my sugar intake.
Have I felt deprived? No. This program forces you to look at portion sizes and make healthier choices.. but it does not limit foods.
I have actually had a few days where I had no choice (ha ha) but to snack on some chocolate at night to finish up my alloted calories for the day.
So, have I lost weight? Yep. 3 of those 6 lbs are out the window!
All in all, I highly recommend the app for anyone wanting to shed a few pounds.
So, I know I was talking a few months back about the fact that due to stress I had lost weight. I was actually to the point I was having trouble keeping weight on.
Poor me, right? Ha!
I generally eat very healthy. I also exercise daily. The combination basically lead me to not having to be concerned of my weight... and staying around the same weight for the past 4 years or so, minus the periods of stress where my weight would fall slightly for a short period..
Well, in the past month or so I found the weight creeping on. When I stopped talking the Zyban I felt my appetite creep back up (and the cravings for cigs to increase slightly) causing me to indulge... a lot. My relationship stress also had the effect of me emotional eating.. namely at the bags of Easter candy I bought on sale (because one person really needs 7 jumbo bags of Mini Eggs at $1 a piece)
On my recent trip to Mexico, I ate like there was no tomorrow. Bowls of guacamole and nachos every day? Why the heck not?! Jugs of banana margaritas? Heck yes! Cheese quasadillas? Yes please! Beers? Oh yes!
Well.... Nearing the end of our trip and coming home I felt my clothes were fitting a weeeeee bit tighter than prior.
Try 6 lbs tighter! Ayyyy dios Mios!
I tried to blame water retention (uhm, yes) for some of it, but my indulging caught up to me.
Time to diet.
I am not good at dieting. I am not used to dieting. I really don't know how to diet well... Like I said, in the past I relied on my healthy diet and exercise to keep me where I felt comfortable. How do I LOSE weight?
Well, I stumbled upon a wonderful app for my IPhone at the ITunes store: My Fitness Pal.
This app sets up a fitness profile for you according to your current weight, weight loss goal and how tells you many calories you should be consuming daily to achieve a 1, 1 1/2 or 2 lb wt loss a week.
During the day, you input your meals for the day via inputting a food into the data base(I have not come across a product/food yet that was not there), scanning the barcodes of products(VERY COOL), or inputting a recipe and allowing the program to calculate the calories for a portion. ((The more foods you log,
The program also calculates your exercise for the day and adjusts your calories accordingly.
Easy!
And yes, you COULD eat say, 1200 calories of butter a day and lose weight. The program DOES calculate nutrients from your input and tells you how you are doing with the recommended fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, sugar (my apparent downfall), carbs and vitamins for the day.. So yes, it does encourage you to make better choices. You are actually able to log on online and customize your nutritional goals as well. Me, I just need to watch my sugar intake.
Have I felt deprived? No. This program forces you to look at portion sizes and make healthier choices.. but it does not limit foods.
I have actually had a few days where I had no choice (ha ha) but to snack on some chocolate at night to finish up my alloted calories for the day.
So, have I lost weight? Yep. 3 of those 6 lbs are out the window!
All in all, I highly recommend the app for anyone wanting to shed a few pounds.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I used to be an eternal optimist until I met you
I once described how I was feeling as trying to run through quicksand; no matter how hard I try, I am slowly sinking.
I am at a place where I am CONTEMPLATING moving forward and jumping onto the dating bandwagon.
Yep.
Believe me when I say I am not 'over' the ex.
Far from it.
Out of the blue awhile back while having a particularly rough day, I messaged a FB friend (a gal I went to school with, but am not close to) who is very vocal about her religious beliefs. I asked her to pray for me. I needed it.
Long story short, we ended up chatting after she asked if I could elaborate on WHY I was asking for prayer - and she ended up telling me she went through something similar and how her low point was being hospitalized for an attempted suicide attempt. Scary stuff. She went on to tell me how that led her to move on.. and that if after 3 yrs my ex will not commit to me, he never will.
I know that.. Believe me, I know that... I know it is NOT me, but his issues.
I also know that this last time he blew me off, he wasted no time in hunting out someone else to date (and to screw that up in less than 2 weeks.. and is now back on PoF). He doesn't love me... or if he does, he is not capable of expressing it. Yes, after 3 yrs, he is NEVER going to commit. I have done all I am capable of doing to make this work. I can do no more.
In Mexico, I actually had an argument with my bff as she was fully pushing for me to go out on a 'date' with the fellow, D, I met there last year... I declined (which she could not understand and was angry by) as my heart was just not in it. She obviously talked to him about this as she tried to force me into it and would not take my 'I don't want to' for an answer, as she tried to tell me how crazy he is about me...
I ended up talking to D once I got home and apologized for my being slightly standoffish. I told him what was going on with me.. He did confide he had never met anyone like me, how he sometimes stumbled on his English when around me because I made him nervous, that he has NOT dated since meeting me as he is very smitten with me..blah blah.. Very sweet. I explained that the ex (I had discussed our breakup last year when we met) and I had been on again, off again for the year since I was there and my heart was just not RIGHT.
Honestly, if we lived in the same,you know, country, I would consider it... but we don't. It's not a feasible relationship..
So, what do I do? Part of me wants to MOVE ON. I am contemplating looking into online dating (I tried in before I met the ex with blah results) and part of me is holding that faint glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the ex will magically get over his shit and realize I'm pretty damn special.
Part of me wants to move on, as I really want to have a relationship and eventually start a family.
Part of me has given up because that part actually thinks that ship has sailed and at 32 I am too old to HAVE children... which is crazy, but not that crazy.
Part of me is actually too embarrassed to online date. I don't know why, but I am.
What do I do.. I am not even sure how to 'sell' myself on a profile. Arrrrrgh. I'm going to mull this over for the night and perhaps try to write myself up.
"32 yr old vegetarian gal. Loves peanut butter, reading, zombies and puppies (non zombie version). More of a listener than talker. Doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, even when I feel strongly. Worst quality and best quality can be seen as seeing the best in everyone. Fragile."
I am at a place where I am CONTEMPLATING moving forward and jumping onto the dating bandwagon.
Yep.
Believe me when I say I am not 'over' the ex.
Far from it.
Out of the blue awhile back while having a particularly rough day, I messaged a FB friend (a gal I went to school with, but am not close to) who is very vocal about her religious beliefs. I asked her to pray for me. I needed it.
Long story short, we ended up chatting after she asked if I could elaborate on WHY I was asking for prayer - and she ended up telling me she went through something similar and how her low point was being hospitalized for an attempted suicide attempt. Scary stuff. She went on to tell me how that led her to move on.. and that if after 3 yrs my ex will not commit to me, he never will.
I know that.. Believe me, I know that... I know it is NOT me, but his issues.
I also know that this last time he blew me off, he wasted no time in hunting out someone else to date (and to screw that up in less than 2 weeks.. and is now back on PoF). He doesn't love me... or if he does, he is not capable of expressing it. Yes, after 3 yrs, he is NEVER going to commit. I have done all I am capable of doing to make this work. I can do no more.
In Mexico, I actually had an argument with my bff as she was fully pushing for me to go out on a 'date' with the fellow, D, I met there last year... I declined (which she could not understand and was angry by) as my heart was just not in it. She obviously talked to him about this as she tried to force me into it and would not take my 'I don't want to' for an answer, as she tried to tell me how crazy he is about me...
I ended up talking to D once I got home and apologized for my being slightly standoffish. I told him what was going on with me.. He did confide he had never met anyone like me, how he sometimes stumbled on his English when around me because I made him nervous, that he has NOT dated since meeting me as he is very smitten with me..blah blah.. Very sweet. I explained that the ex (I had discussed our breakup last year when we met) and I had been on again, off again for the year since I was there and my heart was just not RIGHT.
Honestly, if we lived in the same,you know, country, I would consider it... but we don't. It's not a feasible relationship..
So, what do I do? Part of me wants to MOVE ON. I am contemplating looking into online dating (I tried in before I met the ex with blah results) and part of me is holding that faint glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the ex will magically get over his shit and realize I'm pretty damn special.
Part of me wants to move on, as I really want to have a relationship and eventually start a family.
Part of me has given up because that part actually thinks that ship has sailed and at 32 I am too old to HAVE children... which is crazy, but not that crazy.
Part of me is actually too embarrassed to online date. I don't know why, but I am.
What do I do.. I am not even sure how to 'sell' myself on a profile. Arrrrrgh. I'm going to mull this over for the night and perhaps try to write myself up.
"32 yr old vegetarian gal. Loves peanut butter, reading, zombies and puppies (non zombie version). More of a listener than talker. Doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, even when I feel strongly. Worst quality and best quality can be seen as seeing the best in everyone. Fragile."
((and occasionally suffers from Something About Mary style hair when windy))
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Home
So, I am back home from Mexico and 2 days into my work week.
I have to say, I was ready to come home but I was not ready to get back to work! I can't believe how fast those 2 weeks went!
My trip? More of that to come.
It wasn't like last years trip with the girls by any means. I really wish I could say that I came back feeling as invigorated as I did last year, but I did not... There was some drama during the trip that put a damper on the fun for a day, but it is what it is.
As a whole, it was a great time though. Lots of time on the beach relaxing and exploring, a trip to the tequila factory to see the process of making tequila, zip-lining in the 'jungle'.. great food.. Good times!
I guess I just had a lot of stress on my plate prior and wasn't really able to fully leave it at home..? I don't know..
I have to say, I was ready to come home but I was not ready to get back to work! I can't believe how fast those 2 weeks went!
My trip? More of that to come.
It wasn't like last years trip with the girls by any means. I really wish I could say that I came back feeling as invigorated as I did last year, but I did not... There was some drama during the trip that put a damper on the fun for a day, but it is what it is.
As a whole, it was a great time though. Lots of time on the beach relaxing and exploring, a trip to the tequila factory to see the process of making tequila, zip-lining in the 'jungle'.. great food.. Good times!
I guess I just had a lot of stress on my plate prior and wasn't really able to fully leave it at home..? I don't know..
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Leaving on a jet plane..
At this time tomorrow I will be in the air on my way to Mexico! Arriaba! Arriba!
I need this vacation more than ever.. I really don't feel like going into a massive story, but one big issue is STILL the ex. Long story short, he asked me for a ride to the store this week to run a few errands as he is without vehicle. I obliged. It was actually nice to wander around Walmart like a couple would (pathetic, I know to relish something so small)... AND then after some discussion on the ride about what was going on told me I should have NO hope that we could be a 'we'. It's a little more complicated than that, but that's basically it.
Sad thing? I still can't hate him.
A week of sun, sand and relaxation are in order.
I *AM* a little hesitant about how this trip will play out - my bff invited several people on this trip without my knowledge (part of my stress as it caused a HUGE fight between us when I found out 3 days before we are to leave). I was really looking forward to a trip with my best friend - not with a group of people, one of which is a complete stranger whom Icreeped checked out on FB... and yeah.. not the most classy individual. A little worrisome.
Such is life, I guess..
At any rate, I am going to try my best to leave my troubles behind and relax!
I need this vacation more than ever.. I really don't feel like going into a massive story, but one big issue is STILL the ex. Long story short, he asked me for a ride to the store this week to run a few errands as he is without vehicle. I obliged. It was actually nice to wander around Walmart like a couple would (pathetic, I know to relish something so small)... AND then after some discussion on the ride about what was going on told me I should have NO hope that we could be a 'we'. It's a little more complicated than that, but that's basically it.
Sad thing? I still can't hate him.
A week of sun, sand and relaxation are in order.
I *AM* a little hesitant about how this trip will play out - my bff invited several people on this trip without my knowledge (part of my stress as it caused a HUGE fight between us when I found out 3 days before we are to leave). I was really looking forward to a trip with my best friend - not with a group of people, one of which is a complete stranger whom I
Such is life, I guess..
At any rate, I am going to try my best to leave my troubles behind and relax!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Dear life..
Dear life,
Please stop crapping on my head. I really can't take this anymore.
Please?
Me
Please stop crapping on my head. I really can't take this anymore.
Please?
Me
Friday, April 6, 2012
Chickpea love
So, I have been a vegetarian for about 17 yrs now. I actually tend to veer more towards a vegan diet, minus the fact I LOVE cheese and have not found a replacement that I personally like..
Anyhow, I am often trying out new recipes from cookbooks from the library, or the Internet to keep my diet balanced, actually cook as cooking for one tends to lead to not wanting to bother at all and to keep my diet varied.
I came across a great recipe on Pinterest (♥) using my favorite legume - the chickpea. It is easy, which is a bonus.
I do warn you - it tastes WAY better than it looks!
Chickpea Loaf
1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
3/4 cup breadcrumbs (or less if desired)
1/2 small onion
1 tbsp soya sauce
1 tbsp parsley
1 tsp sage
1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/6 cup oil
1/3 jar pasta sauce. (I enjoy a spicy sauce)
Combine all ingredients except the sauce in the food processor. Process.
Spread into a greased 8x8 baking dish. Bake for 30 min at 325F. Remove from oven, spread sauce across and bake an additional 15 min.
Easy as pie! I have sprinkle some cheese on top (imagine that) and it is a wonderful touch :-)
Enjoy!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Movie or book?
So, about a week and a half ago I scored tickets to the screening night of Hunger Games!
Truthfully, I have never read the books and knew very little about the storyline. I had just heard amazing things about the books from others who have read them prior, and had also read/seen the hype about the movies.
Anyhow, I decided to ask my bff to join me for the screening. Long story short, my friend is not exactly known for punctuality and we arrived at the theatre 10 minutes before the movie was to start (aka 3 hrs after I had contacted her to get plans going and over an hour after we LEFT the house) due to her having to stop to buy snacks at the store to save money.. look for a car charger.. switch chargers... go home to change.. etc, etc... and were informed the theatre was at capacity.. She exclaimed: "Oh! I hope I didn't make us late".
<insert rolling of eyes here>
I love the girl, but c'mon. :-) At any rate, even though we were denied this night we were lucky enough to get passes for ANY other night at ANY Cineplex the show was playing at! Score!
So last night we decided to hit up the theatre and finally see the movie. I really enjoyed it! Very great premise. The 2 1/2 hrs FLEW by, honestly. For knowing NOTHING about the books/movie I was able to easily catch on to the characters, story, etc.. Minus the three finger salute the characters give? (IE When Rue is killed and Katniss gives this salute to the cameras after laying her to rest) What the heck does it mean?
On the drive home I mentioned to my friend that I was not sure I WANTED to read the books YET. I actually enjoyed not knowing was was going to happen next throughout the movie... As an avid reader (and yes, I had made and surpassed my 52 book goal - seeing how high I can go in 52 weeks) I stand strongly by the fact that I feel the books are ALWAYS better than the movie.
What is your thought? DO you prefer the book to a movie adaptation? Would you read the books before the next parts of the trilogy are released?
Truthfully, I have never read the books and knew very little about the storyline. I had just heard amazing things about the books from others who have read them prior, and had also read/seen the hype about the movies.
Anyhow, I decided to ask my bff to join me for the screening. Long story short, my friend is not exactly known for punctuality and we arrived at the theatre 10 minutes before the movie was to start (aka 3 hrs after I had contacted her to get plans going and over an hour after we LEFT the house) due to her having to stop to buy snacks at the store to save money.. look for a car charger.. switch chargers... go home to change.. etc, etc... and were informed the theatre was at capacity.. She exclaimed: "Oh! I hope I didn't make us late".
<insert rolling of eyes here>
I love the girl, but c'mon. :-) At any rate, even though we were denied this night we were lucky enough to get passes for ANY other night at ANY Cineplex the show was playing at! Score!
So last night we decided to hit up the theatre and finally see the movie. I really enjoyed it! Very great premise. The 2 1/2 hrs FLEW by, honestly. For knowing NOTHING about the books/movie I was able to easily catch on to the characters, story, etc.. Minus the three finger salute the characters give? (IE When Rue is killed and Katniss gives this salute to the cameras after laying her to rest) What the heck does it mean?
On the drive home I mentioned to my friend that I was not sure I WANTED to read the books YET. I actually enjoyed not knowing was was going to happen next throughout the movie... As an avid reader (and yes, I had made and surpassed my 52 book goal - seeing how high I can go in 52 weeks) I stand strongly by the fact that I feel the books are ALWAYS better than the movie.
What is your thought? DO you prefer the book to a movie adaptation? Would you read the books before the next parts of the trilogy are released?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Well that's random
Today I overheard my neighbours (and by overheard I mean could hear them discussing in their always yelling level of speech) arguing over the fact she wished to buy a mumu.
Yes, a mumu.
"I SAID I WANT TO BUY A MUMU!! A MUMU!!!"
Huh. That is particularly random.
This is also the same neighbour who likes to leave used clothing and shoes outside of my apartment.. so I may very well be seeing a mumu appear on my doorstep before I know it to channel my inner Mrs Roper!
Yes, a mumu.
"I SAID I WANT TO BUY A MUMU!! A MUMU!!!"
Huh. That is particularly random.
This is also the same neighbour who likes to leave used clothing and shoes outside of my apartment.. so I may very well be seeing a mumu appear on my doorstep before I know it to channel my inner Mrs Roper!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
This is it.
So, I really have nothing positive to say in the front of my 'relationship' with R..
I began to realize that the only time we hung out or talked (other than when he was drunk at 2 am) was when *I* initiated things... I also began to feel rejected after the third time of asking him to hang out and getting a "Tonight's no good, sorry!". We didn't have an argument. The last time we spoke, it was great. The last time we saw each other was super.
Nothing was 'wrong', persay. IT just wasn't right.. if that makes sense.
So I made a decision to be strong.
If he truly wanted to speak to me or spend some time with me - HE could be the one to initiate it.
So yes, here I am not having SEEN him in close to 2 weeks and not spoken in one.
Point taken.
So yes, I made the choice to be strong. I need to be, for once.. It doesn't mean that I don't break down sobbing at least twice a day, but I needed to do this.
I can't believe I am right back where I was exactly ONE year ago... Hopelessly in love with someone who will never feel as strongly as I do.
What do I do? Why can't I stop loving someone who is so horrible to me?
I began to realize that the only time we hung out or talked (other than when he was drunk at 2 am) was when *I* initiated things... I also began to feel rejected after the third time of asking him to hang out and getting a "Tonight's no good, sorry!". We didn't have an argument. The last time we spoke, it was great. The last time we saw each other was super.
Nothing was 'wrong', persay. IT just wasn't right.. if that makes sense.
So I made a decision to be strong.
If he truly wanted to speak to me or spend some time with me - HE could be the one to initiate it.
So yes, here I am not having SEEN him in close to 2 weeks and not spoken in one.
Point taken.
So yes, I made the choice to be strong. I need to be, for once.. It doesn't mean that I don't break down sobbing at least twice a day, but I needed to do this.
I can't believe I am right back where I was exactly ONE year ago... Hopelessly in love with someone who will never feel as strongly as I do.
What do I do? Why can't I stop loving someone who is so horrible to me?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Motivation?
If that isn't a motivation tool, I don't know what is!
I glanced over at the servers computer perched on the side of the bar and saw this gem for the workers. It desereved a photo, no?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
.........
... I keep trying to NOT post these crappy posts..
I just cannot help it.. No matter how much I do and try, things are just never different. Ugh.
Long story short, I have been 'seeing' the ex again for about 2 months.. Why? The heart wants what the heart wants. Love.
I know in my gut that he does not remotely care about me in the same regard as I care about him.
THAT, my readers, is what kills me. I KNOW.
I'm not a 20 yr old who can justify being silly and just really not knowing any better. I am old enough to know better.
It kills me that I can love someone so damn much and allow them to use me until it becomes inconvient for them or they get bored.. which is most likely going to be soon by the fact he is slowly starting to blow me off. He went from asking to hang out with me, sending me a text on the way home, basically just making an effort to make his presence known in my life to being "too tired" to hang out.. for an entire week. I can tell a difference in the way he acts around me - he won't kiss me on the forehead. That may not mean anything to you reading this, but it speaks volumes to me.
It kills me that I am pathetic enough to TAKE the fact that we have only been hanging out when *I* make the effort to call and arrange something. Not the other way around... and that I am pathetic enough to know this and still cave in to call.
It kills me that I love enough to take this JUST to have any contact with the one I love; even though I know they do not feel the same way. Any moment means SOMETHING to me. I take what I can get - and know how pathetic that is.
I am a pretty amazing person. I'm attractive, I'm smart, I have a good job and basically have my act together. I don't NEED to settle.. .. but I can't still help but wonder WHAT is wrong with *ME* that I am so damn unlovable to THEM...
DO they care at all to keep coming back time after time for close to 3 yrs? There must be something there.. or is it just a convience thing because they know I am pathetic enough to do whatever they want?
WHY is it when we are not together he will draw me back in by means of random texts saying things like: "Come cuddle and lay with me like old times.." and going back to our old habit on FB of putting the link to a song that reminds the other person of the other person in the "about me" section... Why do these things if you don't care? WHY?
All I want is to be loved. Really. I hate the fact that I am scrambling to hold onto someone who I know would toss me aside in a heartbeat - because they have.
I don't know why I cannot just accept that they do not love me, let go and move on. I don't WANT to let go.. When I have tried to move on and have gone on a date with someone else, it always feels WRONG to me like I am cheating, even though we are not together. When I have KNOWN he is seeing someone else, I still felt that way..
I know I have done everything in my power to be a good person, but it is never enough..
It breaks my self esteem down every single time I realize a little more that he doesn't care.. He won't even return a text to me if he is around another person. Yeah, I am nothing more than a dirty little secret, right?
Not that I am much better, as I cannot talk about this with my friends or family. They have seen me in a very scary and dark place reeling from the aftermath of him breaking my heart over and over. While I KNOW for a fact that they would support me and welcome him into their lives if he were to commit, they would not approve of this bullsh*t him playing with my mind.
I know many of my readers are happily married with children.. I am not sure you can relate, or if you just read this and think: "What a moron." or "What IS wrong with her?". I often wonder just that..
What the heck IS wrong with me? Will anyone EVER love me? Am I not lovable?
I just cannot help it.. No matter how much I do and try, things are just never different. Ugh.
Long story short, I have been 'seeing' the ex again for about 2 months.. Why? The heart wants what the heart wants. Love.
I know in my gut that he does not remotely care about me in the same regard as I care about him.
THAT, my readers, is what kills me. I KNOW.
I'm not a 20 yr old who can justify being silly and just really not knowing any better. I am old enough to know better.
It kills me that I can love someone so damn much and allow them to use me until it becomes inconvient for them or they get bored.. which is most likely going to be soon by the fact he is slowly starting to blow me off. He went from asking to hang out with me, sending me a text on the way home, basically just making an effort to make his presence known in my life to being "too tired" to hang out.. for an entire week. I can tell a difference in the way he acts around me - he won't kiss me on the forehead. That may not mean anything to you reading this, but it speaks volumes to me.
It kills me that I am pathetic enough to TAKE the fact that we have only been hanging out when *I* make the effort to call and arrange something. Not the other way around... and that I am pathetic enough to know this and still cave in to call.
It kills me that I love enough to take this JUST to have any contact with the one I love; even though I know they do not feel the same way. Any moment means SOMETHING to me. I take what I can get - and know how pathetic that is.
I am a pretty amazing person. I'm attractive, I'm smart, I have a good job and basically have my act together. I don't NEED to settle.. .. but I can't still help but wonder WHAT is wrong with *ME* that I am so damn unlovable to THEM...
DO they care at all to keep coming back time after time for close to 3 yrs? There must be something there.. or is it just a convience thing because they know I am pathetic enough to do whatever they want?
WHY is it when we are not together he will draw me back in by means of random texts saying things like: "Come cuddle and lay with me like old times.." and going back to our old habit on FB of putting the link to a song that reminds the other person of the other person in the "about me" section... Why do these things if you don't care? WHY?
All I want is to be loved. Really. I hate the fact that I am scrambling to hold onto someone who I know would toss me aside in a heartbeat - because they have.
I don't know why I cannot just accept that they do not love me, let go and move on. I don't WANT to let go.. When I have tried to move on and have gone on a date with someone else, it always feels WRONG to me like I am cheating, even though we are not together. When I have KNOWN he is seeing someone else, I still felt that way..
I know I have done everything in my power to be a good person, but it is never enough..
It breaks my self esteem down every single time I realize a little more that he doesn't care.. He won't even return a text to me if he is around another person. Yeah, I am nothing more than a dirty little secret, right?
Not that I am much better, as I cannot talk about this with my friends or family. They have seen me in a very scary and dark place reeling from the aftermath of him breaking my heart over and over. While I KNOW for a fact that they would support me and welcome him into their lives if he were to commit, they would not approve of this bullsh*t him playing with my mind.
I know many of my readers are happily married with children.. I am not sure you can relate, or if you just read this and think: "What a moron." or "What IS wrong with her?". I often wonder just that..
What the heck IS wrong with me? Will anyone EVER love me? Am I not lovable?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
52 in 52?
Okay, so remember when I said that I would get back to my promise of posting about the books I was reading in my quest to read 52 books in 52 weeks?
Yeah, I lied.. I failed to post.. SO, with must delay (aka known as 25 books behind.. uggggh) I will post about some of the books I have read (and for the record, I am on 51 of 52 in LESS than 52 weeks!!)
27) Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain - David Eagleman (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Incognito-Secret-Lives-David-Eagleman/dp/0670063924/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330559593&sr=8-1
The product description from Amazon.ca:
If the conscious mind—the part you consider you—is just the tip of the iceberg in the brain, what is all the rest doing? In Incognito, neuroscientist David Eagleman plumbs the depths of the subconscious brain to illuminate surprising questions: Why can your foot jump halfway to the brake pedal before you are consciously aware of danger ahead? Why do strippers make more money at certain times of the month, although no one is consciously aware of their fertility level? Is there a true Mel Gibson? What do Odysseus and the subprime mortgage meltdown have in common? How is your brain like a conflicted democracy engaged in civil war? Why are people whose name begins with J more likely to marry other people whose name begins with J? Why is it so difficult to keep a secret? Why did Supreme Court Justice William Douglas deny that he was paralyzed? This subsurface exploration includes diversions into brain damage, drugs, infidelity, synesthesia, criminal law, the future of artificial intelligence, and visual illusions—all highlighting how our perception of the world is a hidden and awe-inspiring construction of the brain.
Very interesting read! I REALLY loved it!
28) My Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Talyor (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Stroke-Insight-Jill-Bolte-Taylor/dp/0452295548/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559821&sr=1-1
This is an autobiography of a Harvard-trained brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke and her experiences. Very amazing read. Some parts tended to get a tad too much into the medical side verses telling her own story, but still wonderful.
29) UnSweetined - Jodie Sweetin (Oct)
** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/unSweetined-Jodie-Sweetin/dp/1439152683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559940&sr=1-1
Yes, I read the autobiography of Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner). It WAS touching to read the struggles she went through trying to fit into the Hollywood world, but not the best read.
30) A Thousand Sisters: My Journey Into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman- Lisa Shannon (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Thousand-Sisters-Journey-Worst-Place/dp/1580053599/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560105&sr=1-1
A true story of a woman and her firsthand accounts of experiences visiting the Congo, and of the the women she's met and helped. IT truly makes you appreciate living in North America and the freedom we have.
31) God's Behaving Badly - Marie Phillips (Oct)
**** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Gods-Behaving-Badly-Marie-Phillips/dp/0307355934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560282&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about the Greek gods and Goddesses living in a rundown house in modern-day London. Very amusing read!
32) On the Outside Looking Indian - Rupinder Gill (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Outside-Looking-Indian-Childhood-Changed/dp/0771035934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560570&sr=1-1
A non-fiction novel/memoir about an East Indian girl who sets out to relive the childhood she missed out on growing up in a strict Indian household. Very sweet and amusing!
33) Left Neglected - Lisa Genova (Nov)
** and half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Left-Neglected-Lisa-Genova/dp/1439164657/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560734&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about a woman who suffers a brain injury and her recovery. Interesting read, but not greatly written in many parts.
That's all I will post for now - more to come shortly!
Yeah, I lied.. I failed to post.. SO, with must delay (aka known as 25 books behind.. uggggh) I will post about some of the books I have read (and for the record, I am on 51 of 52 in LESS than 52 weeks!!)
27) Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain - David Eagleman (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Incognito-Secret-Lives-David-Eagleman/dp/0670063924/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330559593&sr=8-1
The product description from Amazon.ca:
If the conscious mind—the part you consider you—is just the tip of the iceberg in the brain, what is all the rest doing? In Incognito, neuroscientist David Eagleman plumbs the depths of the subconscious brain to illuminate surprising questions: Why can your foot jump halfway to the brake pedal before you are consciously aware of danger ahead? Why do strippers make more money at certain times of the month, although no one is consciously aware of their fertility level? Is there a true Mel Gibson? What do Odysseus and the subprime mortgage meltdown have in common? How is your brain like a conflicted democracy engaged in civil war? Why are people whose name begins with J more likely to marry other people whose name begins with J? Why is it so difficult to keep a secret? Why did Supreme Court Justice William Douglas deny that he was paralyzed? This subsurface exploration includes diversions into brain damage, drugs, infidelity, synesthesia, criminal law, the future of artificial intelligence, and visual illusions—all highlighting how our perception of the world is a hidden and awe-inspiring construction of the brain.
Very interesting read! I REALLY loved it!
28) My Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Talyor (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Stroke-Insight-Jill-Bolte-Taylor/dp/0452295548/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559821&sr=1-1
This is an autobiography of a Harvard-trained brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke and her experiences. Very amazing read. Some parts tended to get a tad too much into the medical side verses telling her own story, but still wonderful.
29) UnSweetined - Jodie Sweetin (Oct)
** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/unSweetined-Jodie-Sweetin/dp/1439152683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559940&sr=1-1
Yes, I read the autobiography of Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner). It WAS touching to read the struggles she went through trying to fit into the Hollywood world, but not the best read.
30) A Thousand Sisters: My Journey Into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman- Lisa Shannon (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Thousand-Sisters-Journey-Worst-Place/dp/1580053599/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560105&sr=1-1
A true story of a woman and her firsthand accounts of experiences visiting the Congo, and of the the women she's met and helped. IT truly makes you appreciate living in North America and the freedom we have.
31) God's Behaving Badly - Marie Phillips (Oct)
**** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Gods-Behaving-Badly-Marie-Phillips/dp/0307355934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560282&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about the Greek gods and Goddesses living in a rundown house in modern-day London. Very amusing read!
32) On the Outside Looking Indian - Rupinder Gill (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Outside-Looking-Indian-Childhood-Changed/dp/0771035934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560570&sr=1-1
A non-fiction novel/memoir about an East Indian girl who sets out to relive the childhood she missed out on growing up in a strict Indian household. Very sweet and amusing!
33) Left Neglected - Lisa Genova (Nov)
** and half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Left-Neglected-Lisa-Genova/dp/1439164657/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560734&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about a woman who suffers a brain injury and her recovery. Interesting read, but not greatly written in many parts.
That's all I will post for now - more to come shortly!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I'm trying.
This is not going to be a happy one. Feel free to not read this.. I just need the space.
I'm trying very hard to be strong..
I've been smoke free for over 2 months.. I can proudly say that while it still isn't EASY, I feel like I am more in control of the situation than it is over me..
However, I cannot say that for other areas in my life.. In other areas, I feel horribly out of control. And by that, I mean sobbing uncontrollably at times.
I've been trying very hard to 'keep it to myself', as no one wants to hear about it... How crazy is that? I partly started blogging again to have an outlet for these times... now I am worried about what other people will think? Funny, isn't it?
I just wish I could understand WHY I can be SO strong in so many aspects of my life, and yet, in others I am weak.. I can relate it to the previous addiction to smoking - I KNEW how bad it was for myself, yet I still did it.
Why do people do things in their lives, let certain people in, knowing all the while that the situation is not going to end well?
I half brought up the subject with a co-worker today, and their answer was this: "Sometimes you need to return, and stand on the edge of the cliff to realize how dangerous it really is.."
I do realize how insignificant my problems are compared to what others are going through..
We had a major snow fall (which we haven't in about a month) in the city overnight/this morning.. As expected, the roads were in pretty bad shape, and many accidents occurred throughout the city. One of these accidents resulted in a woman in her early 50s being killed. She was brought into the hospital I work at (which is a bad sign to begin with, as we are not a trauma center - but she was not stable enough to make the further distance) barely hanging on, and despite the best efforts of the staff, she passed from her injuries. The hospital had a difficult time id-ing her as the vehicle was in such bad shape the jaws of life had to be used - her purse with ID was not in reach. A co-worker was in the vicinity when the family began to arrive - some in shock, some in hysterics. Their mother and wife was gone in a heartbeat, taken too young.
Someone lost their loved one. They could not prevent this pain. I COULD prevent mine, but I am choosing not to. Why? I just wish someone could tell me WHY.
I'm trying very hard to be strong..
I've been smoke free for over 2 months.. I can proudly say that while it still isn't EASY, I feel like I am more in control of the situation than it is over me..
However, I cannot say that for other areas in my life.. In other areas, I feel horribly out of control. And by that, I mean sobbing uncontrollably at times.
I've been trying very hard to 'keep it to myself', as no one wants to hear about it... How crazy is that? I partly started blogging again to have an outlet for these times... now I am worried about what other people will think? Funny, isn't it?
I just wish I could understand WHY I can be SO strong in so many aspects of my life, and yet, in others I am weak.. I can relate it to the previous addiction to smoking - I KNEW how bad it was for myself, yet I still did it.
Why do people do things in their lives, let certain people in, knowing all the while that the situation is not going to end well?
I half brought up the subject with a co-worker today, and their answer was this: "Sometimes you need to return, and stand on the edge of the cliff to realize how dangerous it really is.."
I do realize how insignificant my problems are compared to what others are going through..
We had a major snow fall (which we haven't in about a month) in the city overnight/this morning.. As expected, the roads were in pretty bad shape, and many accidents occurred throughout the city. One of these accidents resulted in a woman in her early 50s being killed. She was brought into the hospital I work at (which is a bad sign to begin with, as we are not a trauma center - but she was not stable enough to make the further distance) barely hanging on, and despite the best efforts of the staff, she passed from her injuries. The hospital had a difficult time id-ing her as the vehicle was in such bad shape the jaws of life had to be used - her purse with ID was not in reach. A co-worker was in the vicinity when the family began to arrive - some in shock, some in hysterics. Their mother and wife was gone in a heartbeat, taken too young.
Someone lost their loved one. They could not prevent this pain. I COULD prevent mine, but I am choosing not to. Why? I just wish someone could tell me WHY.
Friday, February 10, 2012
The one with the massage..
Several years ago, I was in a car accident. More specifically, I was stopped in a yield waiting to merge onto a highway when someone not paying attention came roaring up behind me and rear ended me. For whatever reason the safety mechanism in the seat belt that 'locks' it didn't deploy and my turned head bounced around into the steering wheel (I'm short, I have to sit close) and back.... So yes, whiplash it was.
This was about 8 years ago, but I still suffer from neck pain. Couple this with physically demanding jobs and you have a gal who needs massages. Luckily, my main job has great benefits and massages are covered 80% up to a certain amount. That means I can go for a massage for a cheap price every few months)
While I do think a nice relaxation massage is wonderful - I NEED a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks.
The first place I had went for a 'deep tissue' massagesucked wasn't what I was looking for. A) The therapist was chatty. She talked THE ENTIRE TIME. A little bit of talk is okay, but I am not there to hear your life story. Sorry. That may make me sound rude, but just the way it is. B) This was no deep tissue massage. I hadn't known what to expect as this was my first 'real' massage ever, but this was a relaxation massage. No pressure C) They charged me for a laser therapy.. which I did not get... or ask for.. I didn't notice this until I was sent my insurance statement. All in all, just not a great experience.. it did NOTHING for my aches.
I decided that I wanted to find a different clinic that was close to home and offered deep tissue massage. An online search (What did we DO before we all 'owned a Google'?) brought me to a clinic about 10 minutes away from home that direct billed to my insurance company AND gave you the option to BOOK ONLINE. Hello!
I chose to book with a male massage therapist as I figured I could use some good man hands to pummel the knots outta my back. To summarize my past massages: No word of a lie, one time I was actually gripping onto the side of the table as I was rather certain he was using so much pressure I was going to roll off the table. DO you remember as a kid when you would pick dandelions and 'pop' off the flowers with your fingers... well, I was almost certain my head was going to do just that one time. I am also not so sure he wasn't dancing on my back at one point..
And no, I am not a masochist. The massages MAY be painful at times, but I leave there feeling better than I have in weeks.
Anyhow, I ended up with a rare day off this week and seeing as my neck/back have really been bothering me lately, I jumped at the chance to book a massage.
SO, this morning rolls around and I get a phone call from the clinic. Odd, they called YESTERDAY to confirm my appointment. Man hands is away sick! Uggggggh. The next time I could rebook would not be for quite sometime due to my intense work schedule.. HOWEVER, they offered me up an appointment around the same time with another therapist. Fiiiiine... I guess... I took it.
Like a nutcase, I decided to Google (Again, what did we do before I owned a Google?) the gal. Why? I don't know. Well, she turned out to be a tiny gal. I rolled my eyes and was imagining a non deep tissue massage in my future.
Boy, was I WRONG. This tiny gal packed a MEAN punch. She asked where I wanted her to focus (neck, shoulders, mostly left and SI joints area) and how much pressure I wanted (DEEEEEEEP). Well, I will also add when mentioning the SI area she asked if it was okay to work the glute area. I tried to play it alllll cool and be all: "Yeah, no big deal.".. I wasn't expecting the panties I left on to be to be pulled down one cheek at a time and to have my left leg moved into yoga like positions as apparently I have ONE tight glute that just 'won't release'. I think the conversation in my mind went a little like this:
"She is tucking the blanket into my underwear.. Okay... OH! THAT WOULD BE SO SHE COULD YANK A SIDE DOWN"
"It's just a butt. She sees a dozen butts a day, I'm sure. Everyone has a butt. Yours is no big deal. YOU see at least 4 butts a day at work.. You don't judge or look at it in any way besides "It's a butt." Why would she?"
"Don't giggle. It's just a butt. She's being professional here."
"Hollllllllllllllllllllly. I never realized how much I needed this"
She dug into my shoulders like no man's business (I also apparently have small scapulas.. I said: "Oh!" I am not sure if "Thanks" was what she was going for). also having me position my arms in different ways to REALLY get in there. I am also 90% sure she was up on the bed at some points REALLY getting her weight into obliterating the knots.
She warned me I may be sore later today as a massage that intense causes a lot of inflammation.. So worth it..
Painful? Yes. Good? Yes.. BEST. MASSAGE. EVER.
The moral of the story? Never judge a book by it's cover. I think I may have found my new massage therapist..
This was about 8 years ago, but I still suffer from neck pain. Couple this with physically demanding jobs and you have a gal who needs massages. Luckily, my main job has great benefits and massages are covered 80% up to a certain amount. That means I can go for a massage for a cheap price every few months)
While I do think a nice relaxation massage is wonderful - I NEED a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks.
The first place I had went for a 'deep tissue' massage
I decided that I wanted to find a different clinic that was close to home and offered deep tissue massage. An online search (What did we DO before we all 'owned a Google'?) brought me to a clinic about 10 minutes away from home that direct billed to my insurance company AND gave you the option to BOOK ONLINE. Hello!
I chose to book with a male massage therapist as I figured I could use some good man hands to pummel the knots outta my back. To summarize my past massages: No word of a lie, one time I was actually gripping onto the side of the table as I was rather certain he was using so much pressure I was going to roll off the table. DO you remember as a kid when you would pick dandelions and 'pop' off the flowers with your fingers... well, I was almost certain my head was going to do just that one time. I am also not so sure he wasn't dancing on my back at one point..
And no, I am not a masochist. The massages MAY be painful at times, but I leave there feeling better than I have in weeks.
Anyhow, I ended up with a rare day off this week and seeing as my neck/back have really been bothering me lately, I jumped at the chance to book a massage.
SO, this morning rolls around and I get a phone call from the clinic. Odd, they called YESTERDAY to confirm my appointment. Man hands is away sick! Uggggggh. The next time I could rebook would not be for quite sometime due to my intense work schedule.. HOWEVER, they offered me up an appointment around the same time with another therapist. Fiiiiine... I guess... I took it.
Boy, was I WRONG. This tiny gal packed a MEAN punch. She asked where I wanted her to focus (neck, shoulders, mostly left and SI joints area) and how much pressure I wanted (DEEEEEEEP). Well, I will also add when mentioning the SI area she asked if it was okay to work the glute area. I tried to play it alllll cool and be all: "Yeah, no big deal.".. I wasn't expecting the panties I left on to be to be pulled down one cheek at a time and to have my left leg moved into yoga like positions as apparently I have ONE tight glute that just 'won't release'. I think the conversation in my mind went a little like this:
"She is tucking the blanket into my underwear.. Okay... OH! THAT WOULD BE SO SHE COULD YANK A SIDE DOWN"
"It's just a butt. She sees a dozen butts a day, I'm sure. Everyone has a butt. Yours is no big deal. YOU see at least 4 butts a day at work.. You don't judge or look at it in any way besides "It's a butt." Why would she?"
"Don't giggle. It's just a butt. She's being professional here."
"Hollllllllllllllllllllly. I never realized how much I needed this"
She dug into my shoulders like no man's business (I also apparently have small scapulas.. I said: "Oh!" I am not sure if "Thanks" was what she was going for). also having me position my arms in different ways to REALLY get in there. I am also 90% sure she was up on the bed at some points REALLY getting her weight into obliterating the knots.
She warned me I may be sore later today as a massage that intense causes a lot of inflammation.. So worth it..
Painful? Yes. Good? Yes.. BEST. MASSAGE. EVER.
The moral of the story? Never judge a book by it's cover. I think I may have found my new massage therapist..
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Things that make your day..
I was discussing something with a patient (a gal in her 80s) at work.. I mentioned to her that I would have to look up this topic on the Internet when I got home:
Her: Oh! <so and so> looked it up at home on their Google. Do you have a Google at home?
Me: <smile> Yes, I have a Google at home. I'll use that.
Her: Good!
:-) Props to her for knowing the term Google anyhow
Her: Oh! <so and so> looked it up at home on their Google. Do you have a Google at home?
Me: <smile> Yes, I have a Google at home. I'll use that.
Her: Good!
:-) Props to her for knowing the term Google anyhow
Monday, February 6, 2012
Today.
"We never live so intensely as when we love strongly. We never realize ourselves so vividly as when we are in the full glow of love for others."
To understand things and people, we must love them... It doesn't always mean we can fully grasp their motives...
Today was not a good day... I don't want to get into it... it just wasn't.
Author: Walter Rauschenbush
To understand things and people, we must love them... It doesn't always mean we can fully grasp their motives...
Today was not a good day... I don't want to get into it... it just wasn't.
Friday, February 3, 2012
What I've Realized
I quit smoking about a month and a half ago..
It is getting easier, BUT I would still LOVE to light up. It's psychological at this point, as from what I read it takes 3 days for the nicotine to leave your body, and 10 to 14 days for most 'symptoms' associated with nicotine (aka the "I HAVE A LOT OF ANGRY ENERGY TO GET RID OF - PUT ME TO WORK!!!!" mode I experienced) have disappeared.. Ugh.
I am still not drinking at all (as recommended when taking Zyban - and for my own fact drinking tends to trigger the wanting of cigarettes), which is not a huge deal to me as I was not a big drinker before... BUT for some reason, I would love nothing more than a shot of Baileys in a cup of coffee. I shake my head sadly every morning when I have my (non alcoholic) Irish Cream coffee creamer wishing it were Baileys... I mean, other than the fact drinking at 7 am would be troublesome and probably get me fired..
The girlfriends that I went to Mexico with last year and I are planning another trip down there this April! Wooo hoo!! Anyhow, I decided to shop for a new bikini... and as everyone knows, bathingsuit shopping can betorture interesting. While I don't need to lose weight at all, my munching on junk since quitting smoking has led to a little more... uhmm.. not such firmness into my belly. SO, I have vowed to cut sugary junk out of my diet and up my exercise to tone up. (And sadly ate a bag of carrots at the movies Tuesday night)
So, I am not smoking, drinking or eating unhealthy food (minus my creamer which I refuse to give up).
So basically I am anti-fun.
Or so I feel. It's somewhat disturbing to me that since quitting the above, my social life has dwindled slightly. I get invited out less often when it's "Let's go for drinks!". Uhm, hello? I am simply not drinking but I still enjoy socializing and am perfectly happy to have a soda instead..
Such is life, I guess!
It is getting easier, BUT I would still LOVE to light up. It's psychological at this point, as from what I read it takes 3 days for the nicotine to leave your body, and 10 to 14 days for most 'symptoms' associated with nicotine (aka the "I HAVE A LOT OF ANGRY ENERGY TO GET RID OF - PUT ME TO WORK!!!!" mode I experienced) have disappeared.. Ugh.
I am still not drinking at all (as recommended when taking Zyban - and for my own fact drinking tends to trigger the wanting of cigarettes), which is not a huge deal to me as I was not a big drinker before... BUT for some reason, I would love nothing more than a shot of Baileys in a cup of coffee. I shake my head sadly every morning when I have my (non alcoholic) Irish Cream coffee creamer wishing it were Baileys... I mean, other than the fact drinking at 7 am would be troublesome and probably get me fired..
The girlfriends that I went to Mexico with last year and I are planning another trip down there this April! Wooo hoo!! Anyhow, I decided to shop for a new bikini... and as everyone knows, bathingsuit shopping can be
So, I am not smoking, drinking or eating unhealthy food (minus my creamer which I refuse to give up).
So basically I am anti-fun.
Or so I feel. It's somewhat disturbing to me that since quitting the above, my social life has dwindled slightly. I get invited out less often when it's "Let's go for drinks!". Uhm, hello? I am simply not drinking but I still enjoy socializing and am perfectly happy to have a soda instead..
Such is life, I guess!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I've been neglecting you
Eeep. I have been neglecting the ol' blog this year..
Iam just really lazy, really do not have any excuse why.. It isn't like I am horribly busy in the evenings.. What have I been up to?
I am on book number 45 of the 52 books in a year deal with over 16 weeks left to go.. 52? Pffft childs play! heh. It is on my 'To-Do' list to sit down and blog about the books I have read... aaaaaand I apparently left off at number 26 so I have a few to write about. Egads!
For no reason in particular, I have decided to teach myself to speak Spanish. Si, Spanish! What is my approach? I downloaded an audio book of basic Spanish for travel and burnt it onto CD to listen to on my commute to work. Smart, no? Well, I am proud to say that if I were lost in say, Mexico I could now communicate the following in Spanish to save myself:
Basic greetings - hello, goodbye, good morning, good evening. How are you? I am so so. I am fine. What is your name? My name is.. Counting to ten. Asking where the bathroom is. Pointing out that a car is large (and why THEY decided this was important to add to the course is beyond me). Mentioning I am vegetarian and don't eat chicken. Ordering beer. Saying "I need..." (will saying "I need.." and pointing frantically work?)... and some random other sayings/words.. So yes, nothing terribly useful to save my hide. Aye dios mios!
I have a few Spanish speaking patients at work, but have been too bashful to try any of my learning out on them... In time! Also on my To-Do list is to make a written word list with proper pronunciations of words.. I am loving the audio book, but for bigger sentences I just cannot keep up with how fast the speaker is talking to actually absorb it. I am serious about trying to learn Spanish, so I will try my best to find a way to learn..
The no smoking? It is going. I am still on the right track. It is getting EASIER, yes... However, at times, it is painful and I would love nothing more than to light up a cig. I had a drink on New Years Eve and man, did having that ONE drink make me want to smoke. I am not sure THAT will ever get easier...
The holidays (and few weeks after) were busy with a few friends in from out of town - it was wonderful to catch up with them. One of the highlights for me was finally meeting a girlfriend's new baby. She lives out in England, so we are not able to see each other that often and really rely on FB to keep in touch.. I really cherish the times we are able to get together in person.
So, that is about it.... I really will try to keep up with the blogging.. Honest!
I
I am on book number 45 of the 52 books in a year deal with over 16 weeks left to go.. 52? Pffft childs play! heh. It is on my 'To-Do' list to sit down and blog about the books I have read... aaaaaand I apparently left off at number 26 so I have a few to write about. Egads!
For no reason in particular, I have decided to teach myself to speak Spanish. Si, Spanish! What is my approach? I downloaded an audio book of basic Spanish for travel and burnt it onto CD to listen to on my commute to work. Smart, no? Well, I am proud to say that if I were lost in say, Mexico I could now communicate the following in Spanish to save myself:
Basic greetings - hello, goodbye, good morning, good evening. How are you? I am so so. I am fine. What is your name? My name is.. Counting to ten. Asking where the bathroom is. Pointing out that a car is large (and why THEY decided this was important to add to the course is beyond me). Mentioning I am vegetarian and don't eat chicken. Ordering beer. Saying "I need..." (will saying "I need.." and pointing frantically work?)... and some random other sayings/words.. So yes, nothing terribly useful to save my hide. Aye dios mios!
I have a few Spanish speaking patients at work, but have been too bashful to try any of my learning out on them... In time! Also on my To-Do list is to make a written word list with proper pronunciations of words.. I am loving the audio book, but for bigger sentences I just cannot keep up with how fast the speaker is talking to actually absorb it. I am serious about trying to learn Spanish, so I will try my best to find a way to learn..
The no smoking? It is going. I am still on the right track. It is getting EASIER, yes... However, at times, it is painful and I would love nothing more than to light up a cig. I had a drink on New Years Eve and man, did having that ONE drink make me want to smoke. I am not sure THAT will ever get easier...
The holidays (and few weeks after) were busy with a few friends in from out of town - it was wonderful to catch up with them. One of the highlights for me was finally meeting a girlfriend's new baby. She lives out in England, so we are not able to see each other that often and really rely on FB to keep in touch.. I really cherish the times we are able to get together in person.
So, that is about it.... I really will try to keep up with the blogging.. Honest!
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