Weekends and reminders..

What an amazing August long weekend!

After the huge heartache last week, I really needed a good weekend away to get my mind off of things.. and a trip out to best friend's trailer with a group of friends was the ticket!

The sunny days were perfect for us to enjoy trips onto the lake to enjoy some swimming, water skiing & tubing.  We sat around a bonfires every night to chat and listen to music.  Good friends and good eats.  The park hosted a 'kids day' where they had games like three-legged races, horse shoe toss, a bouncy house (that I volunteered for an hour at to keep the kids at the park from bouncing out into the lake.. ya know), a free BBQ and pony rides - my friend's little ones were in their glory.  We also had a water balloon fight to cool down and just had a great time with the group of 12 of us.

We only had one incident where I actually caught a neighbour of my friend's going into their trailer (while everyone else was down on the dike watching a group waterski) to help himself to another guest C's beer.  My friend's have had a few talks with this neighbour about some shady things he has done.. Seeing as the person whose beer was taken is not confrontational at ALL, I was forced to have a talk with this neighbour (who I also know)... They became VERY angry with *ME* for calling them out on it.  His excuse?  His own were not cold enough.  That gives you the right to basically steal someone elses?  We may have been in the country, but that is basically theft, thankyouverymuch.  C was very thankful I stood up for them, and honestly, I will live with this person being angry with me.. I have no patience for behaviour like that.  I am actually also impressed with myself FOR taking that stand.  I am not generally a confrontational person, especially after the blow outs with the ex... I was proud of myself really.

Sadly, back into the city I was slammed head on with reminders of last week.. I am having a very hard time trying to really move forward from this.  I am actually contemplating going back to see the counsellor I saw when R and I split up the first time last year. 

Through her help I came to learn a lot about myself, about why I act/react the way I do (giving people the benefit of the doubt when I should really turn my back).. learned more about standing up for myself.. I learnt a lot about why R is the way he is.. I think it would be in my best benefit to either re-read the literature she provided me about emotionally abusive relationships and rebuilding or to make a visit again... seeing as my last visit was a year ago the DAY that I realized R was moving into my apartment building.  Funny how that works.. I rebuilt my house of cards and he came in like the wind the moment is was completed..

I honestly cannot keep living this way as it is killing me.

On a somewhat funny side note, my lack of being able to sleep in the past while caught up with me on the weekend and I crashed hard Friday night.  HOWEVER, I also awoke around 3 when a friend was coming into the trailer to go to bed.  I was so disorientated that I thought I was at home.  My first thought was "Someone is making a lot of noise in the hallway..." then moved onto "SOMEONE is IN my apartment!!!!!!".... Did I bolt out of bed?  No.. Did I yell out?  Noooo.. What is my attack move when a break in occurs?  I pulled the blanket up over  my head and shook like a leaf until I realized where I was. 

Good grief.  THAT is what I would do when confronted with an intruder?  Hide under a blanket and hope they don't see me?  Heh.  I had to laugh at it, really..