The one with the massage..

Several years ago, I was in a car accident.  More specifically, I was stopped in a yield waiting to merge onto a highway when someone not paying attention came roaring up behind me and rear ended me.  For whatever reason the safety mechanism in the seat belt that 'locks' it didn't deploy and my turned head bounced around into the steering wheel (I'm short, I have to sit close) and back.... So yes, whiplash it was.

This was about 8 years ago, but I still suffer from neck pain.  Couple this with physically demanding jobs and you have a gal who needs massages.  Luckily, my main job has great benefits and massages are covered 80% up to a certain amount.  That means I can go for a massage for a cheap price every few months)

While I do think a nice relaxation massage is wonderful - I NEED a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks. 

The first place I had went for a 'deep tissue' massage sucked wasn't what I was looking for.  A) The therapist was chatty.  She talked THE ENTIRE TIME.  A little bit of talk is okay, but I am not there to hear your life story.  Sorry.  That may make me sound rude, but just the way it is.  B) This was no deep tissue massage.  I hadn't known what to expect as this was my first 'real' massage ever, but this was a relaxation massage.  No pressure  C)  They charged me for a laser therapy.. which I did not get... or ask for.. I didn't notice this until I was sent my insurance statement.  All in all, just not a great experience.. it did NOTHING for my aches.

I decided that I wanted to find a different clinic that was close to home and offered deep tissue massage.  An online search (What did we DO before we all 'owned a Google'?) brought me to a clinic about 10 minutes away from home that direct billed to my insurance company AND gave you the option to BOOK ONLINE.  Hello!

I chose to book with a male massage therapist as I figured I could use some good man hands to pummel the knots outta my back.  To summarize my past massages: No word of a lie, one time I was actually gripping onto the side of the table as I was rather certain he was using so much pressure I was going to roll off the table.  DO you remember as a kid when you would pick dandelions and 'pop' off the flowers with your fingers... well, I was almost certain my head was going to do just that one time.  I am also not so sure he wasn't dancing on my back at one point..

And no, I am not a masochist.  The massages MAY be painful at times, but I leave there feeling better than I have in weeks. 

Anyhow, I ended up with a rare day off this week and seeing as my neck/back have really been bothering me lately, I jumped at the chance to book a massage. 

SO, this morning rolls around and I get a phone call from the clinic.  Odd, they called YESTERDAY to confirm my appointment.  Man hands is away sick!  Uggggggh.  The next time I could rebook would not be for quite sometime due to my intense work schedule.. HOWEVER, they offered me up an appointment around the same time with another therapist.  Fiiiiine... I guess... I took it.

Like a nutcase, I decided to Google (Again, what did we do before I owned a Google?) the gal.  Why?  I don't know.  Well, she turned out to be a tiny gal.  I rolled my eyes and was imagining a non deep tissue massage in my future.

Boy, was I WRONG.  This tiny gal packed a MEAN punch.  She asked where I wanted her to focus (neck, shoulders, mostly left and SI joints area) and how much pressure I wanted  (DEEEEEEEP).  Well, I will also add when mentioning the SI area she asked if it was okay to work the glute area.  I tried to play it alllll cool and be all: "Yeah, no big deal.".. I wasn't expecting the panties I left on to be to be pulled down one cheek at a time and to have my left leg moved into yoga like positions as apparently I have ONE tight glute that just 'won't release'.  I think the conversation in my mind went a little like this:
"She is tucking the blanket into my underwear.. Okay... OH!  THAT WOULD BE SO SHE COULD YANK A SIDE DOWN"
"It's just a butt.  She sees a dozen butts a day, I'm sure.  Everyone has a butt.  Yours is no big deal.  YOU see at least 4 butts a day at work.. You don't judge or look at it in any way besides "It's a butt."  Why would she?" 
"Don't giggle.  It's just a butt.  She's being professional here."
"Hollllllllllllllllllllly.  I never realized how much I needed this"

She dug into my shoulders like no man's business (I also apparently have small scapulas.. I said: "Oh!" I am not sure if "Thanks" was what she was going for).  also having me position my arms in different ways to REALLY get in there.   I am also 90% sure she was up on the bed at some points REALLY getting her weight into obliterating the knots. 

She warned me I may be sore later today as a massage that intense causes a lot of inflammation.. So worth it..

Painful? Yes.  Good?  Yes.. BEST.  MASSAGE.  EVER.

The moral of the story?  Never judge a book by it's cover.  I think I may have found my new massage therapist..