Today I overheard my neighbours (and by overheard I mean could hear them discussing in their always yelling level of speech) arguing over the fact she wished to buy a mumu.
Yes, a mumu.
"I SAID I WANT TO BUY A MUMU!! A MUMU!!!"
Huh. That is particularly random.
This is also the same neighbour who likes to leave used clothing and shoes outside of my apartment.. so I may very well be seeing a mumu appear on my doorstep before I know it to channel my inner Mrs Roper!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
This is it.
So, I really have nothing positive to say in the front of my 'relationship' with R..
I began to realize that the only time we hung out or talked (other than when he was drunk at 2 am) was when *I* initiated things... I also began to feel rejected after the third time of asking him to hang out and getting a "Tonight's no good, sorry!". We didn't have an argument. The last time we spoke, it was great. The last time we saw each other was super.
Nothing was 'wrong', persay. IT just wasn't right.. if that makes sense.
So I made a decision to be strong.
If he truly wanted to speak to me or spend some time with me - HE could be the one to initiate it.
So yes, here I am not having SEEN him in close to 2 weeks and not spoken in one.
Point taken.
So yes, I made the choice to be strong. I need to be, for once.. It doesn't mean that I don't break down sobbing at least twice a day, but I needed to do this.
I can't believe I am right back where I was exactly ONE year ago... Hopelessly in love with someone who will never feel as strongly as I do.
What do I do? Why can't I stop loving someone who is so horrible to me?
I began to realize that the only time we hung out or talked (other than when he was drunk at 2 am) was when *I* initiated things... I also began to feel rejected after the third time of asking him to hang out and getting a "Tonight's no good, sorry!". We didn't have an argument. The last time we spoke, it was great. The last time we saw each other was super.
Nothing was 'wrong', persay. IT just wasn't right.. if that makes sense.
So I made a decision to be strong.
If he truly wanted to speak to me or spend some time with me - HE could be the one to initiate it.
So yes, here I am not having SEEN him in close to 2 weeks and not spoken in one.
Point taken.
So yes, I made the choice to be strong. I need to be, for once.. It doesn't mean that I don't break down sobbing at least twice a day, but I needed to do this.
I can't believe I am right back where I was exactly ONE year ago... Hopelessly in love with someone who will never feel as strongly as I do.
What do I do? Why can't I stop loving someone who is so horrible to me?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Motivation?
If that isn't a motivation tool, I don't know what is!
I glanced over at the servers computer perched on the side of the bar and saw this gem for the workers. It desereved a photo, no?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
.........
... I keep trying to NOT post these crappy posts..
I just cannot help it.. No matter how much I do and try, things are just never different. Ugh.
Long story short, I have been 'seeing' the ex again for about 2 months.. Why? The heart wants what the heart wants. Love.
I know in my gut that he does not remotely care about me in the same regard as I care about him.
THAT, my readers, is what kills me. I KNOW.
I'm not a 20 yr old who can justify being silly and just really not knowing any better. I am old enough to know better.
It kills me that I can love someone so damn much and allow them to use me until it becomes inconvient for them or they get bored.. which is most likely going to be soon by the fact he is slowly starting to blow me off. He went from asking to hang out with me, sending me a text on the way home, basically just making an effort to make his presence known in my life to being "too tired" to hang out.. for an entire week. I can tell a difference in the way he acts around me - he won't kiss me on the forehead. That may not mean anything to you reading this, but it speaks volumes to me.
It kills me that I am pathetic enough to TAKE the fact that we have only been hanging out when *I* make the effort to call and arrange something. Not the other way around... and that I am pathetic enough to know this and still cave in to call.
It kills me that I love enough to take this JUST to have any contact with the one I love; even though I know they do not feel the same way. Any moment means SOMETHING to me. I take what I can get - and know how pathetic that is.
I am a pretty amazing person. I'm attractive, I'm smart, I have a good job and basically have my act together. I don't NEED to settle.. .. but I can't still help but wonder WHAT is wrong with *ME* that I am so damn unlovable to THEM...
DO they care at all to keep coming back time after time for close to 3 yrs? There must be something there.. or is it just a convience thing because they know I am pathetic enough to do whatever they want?
WHY is it when we are not together he will draw me back in by means of random texts saying things like: "Come cuddle and lay with me like old times.." and going back to our old habit on FB of putting the link to a song that reminds the other person of the other person in the "about me" section... Why do these things if you don't care? WHY?
All I want is to be loved. Really. I hate the fact that I am scrambling to hold onto someone who I know would toss me aside in a heartbeat - because they have.
I don't know why I cannot just accept that they do not love me, let go and move on. I don't WANT to let go.. When I have tried to move on and have gone on a date with someone else, it always feels WRONG to me like I am cheating, even though we are not together. When I have KNOWN he is seeing someone else, I still felt that way..
I know I have done everything in my power to be a good person, but it is never enough..
It breaks my self esteem down every single time I realize a little more that he doesn't care.. He won't even return a text to me if he is around another person. Yeah, I am nothing more than a dirty little secret, right?
Not that I am much better, as I cannot talk about this with my friends or family. They have seen me in a very scary and dark place reeling from the aftermath of him breaking my heart over and over. While I KNOW for a fact that they would support me and welcome him into their lives if he were to commit, they would not approve of this bullsh*t him playing with my mind.
I know many of my readers are happily married with children.. I am not sure you can relate, or if you just read this and think: "What a moron." or "What IS wrong with her?". I often wonder just that..
What the heck IS wrong with me? Will anyone EVER love me? Am I not lovable?
I just cannot help it.. No matter how much I do and try, things are just never different. Ugh.
Long story short, I have been 'seeing' the ex again for about 2 months.. Why? The heart wants what the heart wants. Love.
I know in my gut that he does not remotely care about me in the same regard as I care about him.
THAT, my readers, is what kills me. I KNOW.
I'm not a 20 yr old who can justify being silly and just really not knowing any better. I am old enough to know better.
It kills me that I can love someone so damn much and allow them to use me until it becomes inconvient for them or they get bored.. which is most likely going to be soon by the fact he is slowly starting to blow me off. He went from asking to hang out with me, sending me a text on the way home, basically just making an effort to make his presence known in my life to being "too tired" to hang out.. for an entire week. I can tell a difference in the way he acts around me - he won't kiss me on the forehead. That may not mean anything to you reading this, but it speaks volumes to me.
It kills me that I am pathetic enough to TAKE the fact that we have only been hanging out when *I* make the effort to call and arrange something. Not the other way around... and that I am pathetic enough to know this and still cave in to call.
It kills me that I love enough to take this JUST to have any contact with the one I love; even though I know they do not feel the same way. Any moment means SOMETHING to me. I take what I can get - and know how pathetic that is.
I am a pretty amazing person. I'm attractive, I'm smart, I have a good job and basically have my act together. I don't NEED to settle.. .. but I can't still help but wonder WHAT is wrong with *ME* that I am so damn unlovable to THEM...
DO they care at all to keep coming back time after time for close to 3 yrs? There must be something there.. or is it just a convience thing because they know I am pathetic enough to do whatever they want?
WHY is it when we are not together he will draw me back in by means of random texts saying things like: "Come cuddle and lay with me like old times.." and going back to our old habit on FB of putting the link to a song that reminds the other person of the other person in the "about me" section... Why do these things if you don't care? WHY?
All I want is to be loved. Really. I hate the fact that I am scrambling to hold onto someone who I know would toss me aside in a heartbeat - because they have.
I don't know why I cannot just accept that they do not love me, let go and move on. I don't WANT to let go.. When I have tried to move on and have gone on a date with someone else, it always feels WRONG to me like I am cheating, even though we are not together. When I have KNOWN he is seeing someone else, I still felt that way..
I know I have done everything in my power to be a good person, but it is never enough..
It breaks my self esteem down every single time I realize a little more that he doesn't care.. He won't even return a text to me if he is around another person. Yeah, I am nothing more than a dirty little secret, right?
Not that I am much better, as I cannot talk about this with my friends or family. They have seen me in a very scary and dark place reeling from the aftermath of him breaking my heart over and over. While I KNOW for a fact that they would support me and welcome him into their lives if he were to commit, they would not approve of this bullsh*t him playing with my mind.
I know many of my readers are happily married with children.. I am not sure you can relate, or if you just read this and think: "What a moron." or "What IS wrong with her?". I often wonder just that..
What the heck IS wrong with me? Will anyone EVER love me? Am I not lovable?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
52 in 52?
Okay, so remember when I said that I would get back to my promise of posting about the books I was reading in my quest to read 52 books in 52 weeks?
Yeah, I lied.. I failed to post.. SO, with must delay (aka known as 25 books behind.. uggggh) I will post about some of the books I have read (and for the record, I am on 51 of 52 in LESS than 52 weeks!!)
27) Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain - David Eagleman (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Incognito-Secret-Lives-David-Eagleman/dp/0670063924/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330559593&sr=8-1
The product description from Amazon.ca:
If the conscious mind—the part you consider you—is just the tip of the iceberg in the brain, what is all the rest doing? In Incognito, neuroscientist David Eagleman plumbs the depths of the subconscious brain to illuminate surprising questions: Why can your foot jump halfway to the brake pedal before you are consciously aware of danger ahead? Why do strippers make more money at certain times of the month, although no one is consciously aware of their fertility level? Is there a true Mel Gibson? What do Odysseus and the subprime mortgage meltdown have in common? How is your brain like a conflicted democracy engaged in civil war? Why are people whose name begins with J more likely to marry other people whose name begins with J? Why is it so difficult to keep a secret? Why did Supreme Court Justice William Douglas deny that he was paralyzed? This subsurface exploration includes diversions into brain damage, drugs, infidelity, synesthesia, criminal law, the future of artificial intelligence, and visual illusions—all highlighting how our perception of the world is a hidden and awe-inspiring construction of the brain.
Very interesting read! I REALLY loved it!
28) My Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Talyor (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Stroke-Insight-Jill-Bolte-Taylor/dp/0452295548/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559821&sr=1-1
This is an autobiography of a Harvard-trained brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke and her experiences. Very amazing read. Some parts tended to get a tad too much into the medical side verses telling her own story, but still wonderful.
29) UnSweetined - Jodie Sweetin (Oct)
** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/unSweetined-Jodie-Sweetin/dp/1439152683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559940&sr=1-1
Yes, I read the autobiography of Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner). It WAS touching to read the struggles she went through trying to fit into the Hollywood world, but not the best read.
30) A Thousand Sisters: My Journey Into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman- Lisa Shannon (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Thousand-Sisters-Journey-Worst-Place/dp/1580053599/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560105&sr=1-1
A true story of a woman and her firsthand accounts of experiences visiting the Congo, and of the the women she's met and helped. IT truly makes you appreciate living in North America and the freedom we have.
31) God's Behaving Badly - Marie Phillips (Oct)
**** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Gods-Behaving-Badly-Marie-Phillips/dp/0307355934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560282&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about the Greek gods and Goddesses living in a rundown house in modern-day London. Very amusing read!
32) On the Outside Looking Indian - Rupinder Gill (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Outside-Looking-Indian-Childhood-Changed/dp/0771035934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560570&sr=1-1
A non-fiction novel/memoir about an East Indian girl who sets out to relive the childhood she missed out on growing up in a strict Indian household. Very sweet and amusing!
33) Left Neglected - Lisa Genova (Nov)
** and half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Left-Neglected-Lisa-Genova/dp/1439164657/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560734&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about a woman who suffers a brain injury and her recovery. Interesting read, but not greatly written in many parts.
That's all I will post for now - more to come shortly!
Yeah, I lied.. I failed to post.. SO, with must delay (aka known as 25 books behind.. uggggh) I will post about some of the books I have read (and for the record, I am on 51 of 52 in LESS than 52 weeks!!)
27) Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain - David Eagleman (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Incognito-Secret-Lives-David-Eagleman/dp/0670063924/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330559593&sr=8-1
The product description from Amazon.ca:
If the conscious mind—the part you consider you—is just the tip of the iceberg in the brain, what is all the rest doing? In Incognito, neuroscientist David Eagleman plumbs the depths of the subconscious brain to illuminate surprising questions: Why can your foot jump halfway to the brake pedal before you are consciously aware of danger ahead? Why do strippers make more money at certain times of the month, although no one is consciously aware of their fertility level? Is there a true Mel Gibson? What do Odysseus and the subprime mortgage meltdown have in common? How is your brain like a conflicted democracy engaged in civil war? Why are people whose name begins with J more likely to marry other people whose name begins with J? Why is it so difficult to keep a secret? Why did Supreme Court Justice William Douglas deny that he was paralyzed? This subsurface exploration includes diversions into brain damage, drugs, infidelity, synesthesia, criminal law, the future of artificial intelligence, and visual illusions—all highlighting how our perception of the world is a hidden and awe-inspiring construction of the brain.
Very interesting read! I REALLY loved it!
28) My Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Talyor (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Stroke-Insight-Jill-Bolte-Taylor/dp/0452295548/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559821&sr=1-1
This is an autobiography of a Harvard-trained brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke and her experiences. Very amazing read. Some parts tended to get a tad too much into the medical side verses telling her own story, but still wonderful.
29) UnSweetined - Jodie Sweetin (Oct)
** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/unSweetined-Jodie-Sweetin/dp/1439152683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330559940&sr=1-1
Yes, I read the autobiography of Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner). It WAS touching to read the struggles she went through trying to fit into the Hollywood world, but not the best read.
30) A Thousand Sisters: My Journey Into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman- Lisa Shannon (Oct)
***** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Thousand-Sisters-Journey-Worst-Place/dp/1580053599/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560105&sr=1-1
A true story of a woman and her firsthand accounts of experiences visiting the Congo, and of the the women she's met and helped. IT truly makes you appreciate living in North America and the freedom we have.
31) God's Behaving Badly - Marie Phillips (Oct)
**** out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Gods-Behaving-Badly-Marie-Phillips/dp/0307355934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560282&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about the Greek gods and Goddesses living in a rundown house in modern-day London. Very amusing read!
32) On the Outside Looking Indian - Rupinder Gill (Oct)
*** and a half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Outside-Looking-Indian-Childhood-Changed/dp/0771035934/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560570&sr=1-1
A non-fiction novel/memoir about an East Indian girl who sets out to relive the childhood she missed out on growing up in a strict Indian household. Very sweet and amusing!
33) Left Neglected - Lisa Genova (Nov)
** and half out of *****
http://www.amazon.ca/Left-Neglected-Lisa-Genova/dp/1439164657/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330560734&sr=1-1
A fiction novel about a woman who suffers a brain injury and her recovery. Interesting read, but not greatly written in many parts.
That's all I will post for now - more to come shortly!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I'm trying.
This is not going to be a happy one. Feel free to not read this.. I just need the space.
I'm trying very hard to be strong..
I've been smoke free for over 2 months.. I can proudly say that while it still isn't EASY, I feel like I am more in control of the situation than it is over me..
However, I cannot say that for other areas in my life.. In other areas, I feel horribly out of control. And by that, I mean sobbing uncontrollably at times.
I've been trying very hard to 'keep it to myself', as no one wants to hear about it... How crazy is that? I partly started blogging again to have an outlet for these times... now I am worried about what other people will think? Funny, isn't it?
I just wish I could understand WHY I can be SO strong in so many aspects of my life, and yet, in others I am weak.. I can relate it to the previous addiction to smoking - I KNEW how bad it was for myself, yet I still did it.
Why do people do things in their lives, let certain people in, knowing all the while that the situation is not going to end well?
I half brought up the subject with a co-worker today, and their answer was this: "Sometimes you need to return, and stand on the edge of the cliff to realize how dangerous it really is.."
I do realize how insignificant my problems are compared to what others are going through..
We had a major snow fall (which we haven't in about a month) in the city overnight/this morning.. As expected, the roads were in pretty bad shape, and many accidents occurred throughout the city. One of these accidents resulted in a woman in her early 50s being killed. She was brought into the hospital I work at (which is a bad sign to begin with, as we are not a trauma center - but she was not stable enough to make the further distance) barely hanging on, and despite the best efforts of the staff, she passed from her injuries. The hospital had a difficult time id-ing her as the vehicle was in such bad shape the jaws of life had to be used - her purse with ID was not in reach. A co-worker was in the vicinity when the family began to arrive - some in shock, some in hysterics. Their mother and wife was gone in a heartbeat, taken too young.
Someone lost their loved one. They could not prevent this pain. I COULD prevent mine, but I am choosing not to. Why? I just wish someone could tell me WHY.
I'm trying very hard to be strong..
I've been smoke free for over 2 months.. I can proudly say that while it still isn't EASY, I feel like I am more in control of the situation than it is over me..
However, I cannot say that for other areas in my life.. In other areas, I feel horribly out of control. And by that, I mean sobbing uncontrollably at times.
I've been trying very hard to 'keep it to myself', as no one wants to hear about it... How crazy is that? I partly started blogging again to have an outlet for these times... now I am worried about what other people will think? Funny, isn't it?
I just wish I could understand WHY I can be SO strong in so many aspects of my life, and yet, in others I am weak.. I can relate it to the previous addiction to smoking - I KNEW how bad it was for myself, yet I still did it.
Why do people do things in their lives, let certain people in, knowing all the while that the situation is not going to end well?
I half brought up the subject with a co-worker today, and their answer was this: "Sometimes you need to return, and stand on the edge of the cliff to realize how dangerous it really is.."
I do realize how insignificant my problems are compared to what others are going through..
We had a major snow fall (which we haven't in about a month) in the city overnight/this morning.. As expected, the roads were in pretty bad shape, and many accidents occurred throughout the city. One of these accidents resulted in a woman in her early 50s being killed. She was brought into the hospital I work at (which is a bad sign to begin with, as we are not a trauma center - but she was not stable enough to make the further distance) barely hanging on, and despite the best efforts of the staff, she passed from her injuries. The hospital had a difficult time id-ing her as the vehicle was in such bad shape the jaws of life had to be used - her purse with ID was not in reach. A co-worker was in the vicinity when the family began to arrive - some in shock, some in hysterics. Their mother and wife was gone in a heartbeat, taken too young.
Someone lost their loved one. They could not prevent this pain. I COULD prevent mine, but I am choosing not to. Why? I just wish someone could tell me WHY.
Friday, February 10, 2012
The one with the massage..
Several years ago, I was in a car accident. More specifically, I was stopped in a yield waiting to merge onto a highway when someone not paying attention came roaring up behind me and rear ended me. For whatever reason the safety mechanism in the seat belt that 'locks' it didn't deploy and my turned head bounced around into the steering wheel (I'm short, I have to sit close) and back.... So yes, whiplash it was.
This was about 8 years ago, but I still suffer from neck pain. Couple this with physically demanding jobs and you have a gal who needs massages. Luckily, my main job has great benefits and massages are covered 80% up to a certain amount. That means I can go for a massage for a cheap price every few months)
While I do think a nice relaxation massage is wonderful - I NEED a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks.
The first place I had went for a 'deep tissue' massagesucked wasn't what I was looking for. A) The therapist was chatty. She talked THE ENTIRE TIME. A little bit of talk is okay, but I am not there to hear your life story. Sorry. That may make me sound rude, but just the way it is. B) This was no deep tissue massage. I hadn't known what to expect as this was my first 'real' massage ever, but this was a relaxation massage. No pressure C) They charged me for a laser therapy.. which I did not get... or ask for.. I didn't notice this until I was sent my insurance statement. All in all, just not a great experience.. it did NOTHING for my aches.
I decided that I wanted to find a different clinic that was close to home and offered deep tissue massage. An online search (What did we DO before we all 'owned a Google'?) brought me to a clinic about 10 minutes away from home that direct billed to my insurance company AND gave you the option to BOOK ONLINE. Hello!
I chose to book with a male massage therapist as I figured I could use some good man hands to pummel the knots outta my back. To summarize my past massages: No word of a lie, one time I was actually gripping onto the side of the table as I was rather certain he was using so much pressure I was going to roll off the table. DO you remember as a kid when you would pick dandelions and 'pop' off the flowers with your fingers... well, I was almost certain my head was going to do just that one time. I am also not so sure he wasn't dancing on my back at one point..
And no, I am not a masochist. The massages MAY be painful at times, but I leave there feeling better than I have in weeks.
Anyhow, I ended up with a rare day off this week and seeing as my neck/back have really been bothering me lately, I jumped at the chance to book a massage.
SO, this morning rolls around and I get a phone call from the clinic. Odd, they called YESTERDAY to confirm my appointment. Man hands is away sick! Uggggggh. The next time I could rebook would not be for quite sometime due to my intense work schedule.. HOWEVER, they offered me up an appointment around the same time with another therapist. Fiiiiine... I guess... I took it.
Like a nutcase, I decided to Google (Again, what did we do before I owned a Google?) the gal. Why? I don't know. Well, she turned out to be a tiny gal. I rolled my eyes and was imagining a non deep tissue massage in my future.
Boy, was I WRONG. This tiny gal packed a MEAN punch. She asked where I wanted her to focus (neck, shoulders, mostly left and SI joints area) and how much pressure I wanted (DEEEEEEEP). Well, I will also add when mentioning the SI area she asked if it was okay to work the glute area. I tried to play it alllll cool and be all: "Yeah, no big deal.".. I wasn't expecting the panties I left on to be to be pulled down one cheek at a time and to have my left leg moved into yoga like positions as apparently I have ONE tight glute that just 'won't release'. I think the conversation in my mind went a little like this:
"She is tucking the blanket into my underwear.. Okay... OH! THAT WOULD BE SO SHE COULD YANK A SIDE DOWN"
"It's just a butt. She sees a dozen butts a day, I'm sure. Everyone has a butt. Yours is no big deal. YOU see at least 4 butts a day at work.. You don't judge or look at it in any way besides "It's a butt." Why would she?"
"Don't giggle. It's just a butt. She's being professional here."
"Hollllllllllllllllllllly. I never realized how much I needed this"
She dug into my shoulders like no man's business (I also apparently have small scapulas.. I said: "Oh!" I am not sure if "Thanks" was what she was going for). also having me position my arms in different ways to REALLY get in there. I am also 90% sure she was up on the bed at some points REALLY getting her weight into obliterating the knots.
She warned me I may be sore later today as a massage that intense causes a lot of inflammation.. So worth it..
Painful? Yes. Good? Yes.. BEST. MASSAGE. EVER.
The moral of the story? Never judge a book by it's cover. I think I may have found my new massage therapist..
This was about 8 years ago, but I still suffer from neck pain. Couple this with physically demanding jobs and you have a gal who needs massages. Luckily, my main job has great benefits and massages are covered 80% up to a certain amount. That means I can go for a massage for a cheap price every few months)
While I do think a nice relaxation massage is wonderful - I NEED a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks.
The first place I had went for a 'deep tissue' massage
I decided that I wanted to find a different clinic that was close to home and offered deep tissue massage. An online search (What did we DO before we all 'owned a Google'?) brought me to a clinic about 10 minutes away from home that direct billed to my insurance company AND gave you the option to BOOK ONLINE. Hello!
I chose to book with a male massage therapist as I figured I could use some good man hands to pummel the knots outta my back. To summarize my past massages: No word of a lie, one time I was actually gripping onto the side of the table as I was rather certain he was using so much pressure I was going to roll off the table. DO you remember as a kid when you would pick dandelions and 'pop' off the flowers with your fingers... well, I was almost certain my head was going to do just that one time. I am also not so sure he wasn't dancing on my back at one point..
And no, I am not a masochist. The massages MAY be painful at times, but I leave there feeling better than I have in weeks.
Anyhow, I ended up with a rare day off this week and seeing as my neck/back have really been bothering me lately, I jumped at the chance to book a massage.
SO, this morning rolls around and I get a phone call from the clinic. Odd, they called YESTERDAY to confirm my appointment. Man hands is away sick! Uggggggh. The next time I could rebook would not be for quite sometime due to my intense work schedule.. HOWEVER, they offered me up an appointment around the same time with another therapist. Fiiiiine... I guess... I took it.
Boy, was I WRONG. This tiny gal packed a MEAN punch. She asked where I wanted her to focus (neck, shoulders, mostly left and SI joints area) and how much pressure I wanted (DEEEEEEEP). Well, I will also add when mentioning the SI area she asked if it was okay to work the glute area. I tried to play it alllll cool and be all: "Yeah, no big deal.".. I wasn't expecting the panties I left on to be to be pulled down one cheek at a time and to have my left leg moved into yoga like positions as apparently I have ONE tight glute that just 'won't release'. I think the conversation in my mind went a little like this:
"She is tucking the blanket into my underwear.. Okay... OH! THAT WOULD BE SO SHE COULD YANK A SIDE DOWN"
"It's just a butt. She sees a dozen butts a day, I'm sure. Everyone has a butt. Yours is no big deal. YOU see at least 4 butts a day at work.. You don't judge or look at it in any way besides "It's a butt." Why would she?"
"Don't giggle. It's just a butt. She's being professional here."
"Hollllllllllllllllllllly. I never realized how much I needed this"
She dug into my shoulders like no man's business (I also apparently have small scapulas.. I said: "Oh!" I am not sure if "Thanks" was what she was going for). also having me position my arms in different ways to REALLY get in there. I am also 90% sure she was up on the bed at some points REALLY getting her weight into obliterating the knots.
She warned me I may be sore later today as a massage that intense causes a lot of inflammation.. So worth it..
Painful? Yes. Good? Yes.. BEST. MASSAGE. EVER.
The moral of the story? Never judge a book by it's cover. I think I may have found my new massage therapist..
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